Friday, December 30, 2005

happy new year eve!

it's gonna be new year soon and i haven't made any new year resolution.

hmmm. but meeting 4d peeps for countdown and dinner and stayover at kr's house. i hope i'll be able to go for the stayover though!!! i hope my parents allow!!! rahhhhhh!!!!

hahaha. shopping with nainai today was ok! got most of the things i wanted. except that i didn't get any tops today. hahahah. well, i'm pretty happy already lah. i bet nainai also very happy. she going to be relief teacher ok!!! hahahaha. so cool.

hmmmm. i was reading a book just now, and it made me realise some very..well..astonishingly shocking stuff. *shrugs*

suddenly realised alot things about life. and it's only 29 pages of the book. i had to reread the lines in every page quite a few times to understand it's meaning. really thought-provoking.

i'll get excerpts out from the book next time..





i love my new flats SUPER MUCH!!!! hahahahah. very boho i think. and i love the brown colour. :) FLAT some more!! won't have to grow taller! hahahahahha.


ok i need to lose weight(as usual). you know why i keep saying i need to lose weight? because i NEVER put words into actions. hahahaha.

ok..i'll go be a good girl and think about what i truly want in the new year 2006.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

ocip.

yayyyyy! i love ocip peeps!!!
*grins*
darn it..the pics are really pretty! but...............i don't have my thumbdrive with me..transfer pics very slow. rahhhh!!!

busy busy marshy. =(





forget it man. i won't be uploading my pics. hahahaha. i love esplanade night scenery!!! so pretty! *sigh* it's a pity we all had to go home in a rush, cos' the night was still young(to me lah).

blahhhhhh. i'll really miss the guys when they go to army. =( hahahaha. but wells, all i can ask is that they won't forget about me!!! =p thomas already promised he won't!! yay!!! hahahahah.



some things i don't feel like thinking about just keeps popping into my mind. i cannot push them away any longer. fear is eating away at me slowly. sooner or later, there will not be anything left of me.

Monday, December 26, 2005

i'm out.

finally i stepped out of the house. last minute rejected a meeting with someone to go out with bishi. heh. i preferred the latter one of course. shopped. wahhh. DAMN LONG NEVER SHOP.

bought two tee shirts lah. very niceeeee! the material nicer! hahahah. darn i cannot wait to shop more..but i need money.

sigh. i realised everyone working already. everyone learning driving already. but i all also haven't do. quite sad.

but i guess..the only reason i don't want to learn driving is cos' i want to learn MOTORBIKE, not CAR. sigh.

and i know when that day comes, the sky will probably fall down and crush me to death. my parents will NEVER allow me to learn how to ride a motorbike. dammit.

forget it lah. besides learning driving means i have to pay myself. which means its not worth it. sigh. i need a job first. but something VERY flexible. rahhhhh.


anyway i met parents for dinner lah. damn yucky. magic wok NOT NICE one. sue me lah. but it was a horrible dining experience! the food freaking oily and tasteless. even chilli crab, something IMPOSSIBLE to make horribly, is damn er xin. rahhhhh. luckily is use those discount coupons, so pay lesser, if not really pay alot for something totally NOT worth it. bahhhh.

ok lah, won't be sad over this. i am happy from buying my tee shirts. HEHE. :)

i'm off! :)








mirror.

who is this i am staring back at?
who am i truly?
what have i written so far? simply to avoid trouble. avoid trouble, being myself.

is this truly me? is this what is going through my mind? when will i ever be true to myself again? when will i ever stop living in self-deceit?

when will i stop pretending to like people that i don't like because everyone pretends to like them?

this is confusing.

who am i running from? why am i holding back? when will i truly run wild?

do i like the me now? or will i prefer the me inside?


choices, decisions. things i have to make now. yet i don't know what is right or wrong. what should i do, what will concern my future.

i turn to no one. because i'm afraid. i'm afraid of getting hurt again, icing up again, deceiving myself again, showing how weak i am...all over again.

the people i trust, are no longer around. they have their lives, they have people they love. the people i trust, i wish not to make them suffer, to make them worry.

i am happy. i seem happy. maybe i truly am. i love everyone. yet i know it's not mutual.

sometimes, when you are in a crowd, with a group of friends, how is it even possible to feel lonely...so suddenly?




when will i ever be worthy enough for myself? when will i start seeing myself in a different light? when will others ever do so?



i'm just a girl, searching for my self-confidence...to prove my self-worth.

or perhaps, this girl has given up.

no wonder they say ignorance is bliss.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

fine lah.

so i was fucking tired and it's all my fault which ever outing i did not go to.

at least i had the conscience to INFORM people i could not make it and that i TRIED.

at least this was the first and only outing i did not make it. i'm sorry ok..it's not like i wanted it. but i couldn't even think straight at that point in time. that's what one hour of sleep does to you.



i'm pissed easily when i'm tired ok.
why go over and piss people off and head for a outing i'll be too tired to even care who says what and who does what.

forget it.


i'm not used to being at home now. suddenly 4 days and 3 nights in chalet seems like heaven to me. away from everything but fun.


when things couldn't seem worse, YOU had to msg me to tell me all those shit things and then when i did not reply you, you called me and told me all those shit things again.

i'm PISSED ok. just leave me alone.

when i say i don't like you and will never like you, please get that fact into our thick skull and leave me alone.

everything was over between us years ago. so stop all that crap you are doing. the fact that you JUST called me again is making me pissed all over again. will you just leave me in peace???!!




enough outburst.

wahahahaha. i'm in love with this guy.




ocip chalet!

TOTALLY ROCKS CAN!!!

hahahahah. best chalet i've ever been to so far!

tsk tsk, let's see what did we do there.

firstly, i MUST start with my FIRST ever kbox outing. turns out only got me, chee cheng, ah gong and thomas singing. 3 guys and one girl. hahahah. bullshit lah. they kept saying must sing duet..then i was like..oei!!! one girl only, want me to duet with everyone mehhh?? and my singing not that great also! hahahah. but it was sure fun!! =p

thanks alot guys! i enjoyed myself alot!!

then was buying food for the chalet. buy until damn jialat. hahaha. it shows that buying food with guys is really terrible. but actually cos' i seldom go supermarket also, so alot of things don't know, buy also difficult. sighhhh.

anyway, we managed to get our things and headed to mrt to wait for the others. checked in. slacked. packed our stuff. played cards. mahjong. watched tv. waited for more people to come so that we could go for dinner. didn't bathe.

first night. all guys plus me yy and yulin.

nice sleep. alot space. HAHAHAHA.

2nd day. played games outdoors. prepared for bbq. cooked until i teared. had fun! bathed(finally). played till night.

3rd day. sea sports!!! kayaking to be exact!! YAY! my partner was thomas(sadly). hahahaha. he damn lousy ok! cannot row for nuts! then he sat behind and me infront, but guess what? he being the steerer of the kayak, managed to make us keep going left, cannot go straight one. win already. in the end i had to sit behind to control the boat. damn sad lah. hahahaha.

kayak until arms hurt.

but really funny times out in the sea. wc and yulin's kayak was sinking cos' there was something loose which allowed water to enter the boat. we had to pull the kayak back to shore, which was very long distance lah. damn sian. hahahaha.

then we set off to explore. 2 hours kayaking only. and i was pretty tired out by the end of it. plus it was drizzling, and we returned the kayak after playing stupid games on it like battleship etc. hahahah. damn funny. 6 guys 4 girls.

some went back to clean up. the rest went to check up on bikes' rates. walked damn far. damn cold. decided to rent from this place lah. but we wanted to reduce the rates. hahaah. in the end we had to go back take bus pass and money den came back to rent 6 singles and 2 doubles. got 4 girls and 6 guys.

night cycling. best liao i tell you. first time cycled so long distance and so long duration. we cycled from pasir ris to tampines, to bedok, to east coast park, went pass upper changi road, then eunos, then pack all the way to pasir ris via the route we came from. damn freaky. i cycled until my pigu sore already. so much curbs and rocky roads and uphills and down slopes. really a test of anyone's cycling ability. alot roads and pathways and bus stops and people and cyclists. woo.

after that night i can say with confidence i'm a much better cyclist than before!! hahaahah.

ok let's calculate. we cycled non stop for about 7 hours. yes. terribly tiring. i'm aching terribly now. head to toe, not one muscle is not hurting. even my hands are aching..the palms..sore and blistered. think the kayaking and night cycling on one day killed me. no sleep except that one hours we squeezed in before the night cycling outing. hahaha.

now i sit also got problem. rahhhhh.

i need rest. i slept and was supposed to wake up for the 4d bbq. but i overslept. terrible. couldn't drag myself out of bed to go meet them.


actually this chalet made me realise some things..made me think alot also. i enjoyed myself tremendously, i really admit that. to say i didn't would be lying. hahaha. i missed out alot parts. lazy to type. i pray and hope i will rmb every single detail of this chalet..really memorable. sigh.

love all of them loads! ocip 2004 rocks!! :)

christmas is coming. and i have no date yet.

//dreams don't always come true.

Monday, December 19, 2005

..

will be back saturday i think. chalet till friday. friday night got sec 4 class outing!! WOO!!! i loveeee outings!! :P

ok. packing still. almost done. lazy to pack.

today after giving yh bro morning call, turkey called me asked me whether want to go interview together. so i fell off my bed as usual and went to meet her. thank god! she is my lucky charm!!! :P hahahaha. two interviews we did today, BOTH also got employed. i'm over the moon!!

but, i'll be starting later than her. sighhhh. so sad. dun wannnn!! i don't like going to a totally strange place all by myself.

sigh. forget it. i'm glad i've found so nice job! :P

and cute boss to boot! :D

ok lah. enough. omg i'm feeing damn high even without alcohol!!!

bewareeeeeee!

*grins*

Sunday, December 18, 2005

kbox?

HAHAHAHA. my first kboxing outing in TWO DAYS!!! i'm so excited!!!

hahahaha. and guess what's the reason for the guys calling "the only privileged girl that came to our mind". thanks lah. they say i not scared of being shy, dare to sing. ok lah fine. hahaahha. later i break all your eardrums then you know! but i suggested other girls also! let's hope it'll be damn fun!!!!

chalet coming soon!!!! and i haven't packed my bag. shit.

tml got tuition relief job for some teacher i don't know who. let's hope i won't be alone in the centre. damn freaky.

so late then come home, then tracy is influencing me to go drinking with her at night cos' she's staying over in ck's house. hahaah. dammit. tempting me!!


but really must see pack liao not lah. then drink liao later cnanot wake up in time for kboxing how???

hahaha.

oh freak. my ah beng is so cute!


ahhhh. i need money!!!!


but i'm so excited to see everyone!! :)
oh, did i mention resume writing sucks? yes, it certainly does.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

ROAR.

tuition got no one again. so me and bs decided to go look for food. WAHAHAHAHAHA. we discovered this little place that sells food amongst other things lah. something like mini hawker centre. got fries and nuggets then went back to feast! yumyum. :P

wah talk alot. somehow i really i liked that. kinda brought back memories of last time when we used to talk alot..yea..heart to hearts. :) really nice feeling..heh. i'm really glad.

*smile*


but after we left and roamed JP, i started to get a little hot and bothered. i seriously don't like places that are so packed you have to avoid getting elbowed and stepped on. it iritates me like shit. worse than shit.

so went we parted and i took the train from boon lay, i was relieved. then TMD, the train stayed there sooooo fucking long more and more people came in. people nvm. got arghhhhh B people and C people. made me super pissed off. then all sticky sticky one, all squeeze beside me, really effed up ok. i'm not trying to be fussy or whatever shit, but seriously they have a problem. it was so packed until it was impossible not to have any physical contact at all. like sardines like that. arghhhh!!! and i was flat against the door already ok, then they still squeeze, NO EYES SEE THE CENTRE OF THE TRAIN GOT ONE BIG HOLE ISSIT??!?!?! wtf, so pissed. then in comes two C couples that were like totally displaying PA infront of me. hello, i don't feel comfortable smelling anyone's armpits while you all try to kiss each other in the train ok!! TMD.

damn sian lah. don't want talk about it already.

i just don't like those kinda situations.

bus trip home was more spacious, and i can actually feel the air from the aircon. thank god. no armpits either. yay!

the only reason i take the train more often than buses is cos' i can stand in my own little corner without being squashed like shit. plus my legs won't have to hurt as much compared to sitting on sbs buses in which the spaces between consecutive seat is impossible for my legs to be comfortable. i always get cramps on my legs after alighting from sbs buses ok. terrible. but i thank god for my longer than usual legs lah, won't complain. heh.

monday gotta relief english lesson. wth. i think i am more of relief teacher than a teacher lah. damn sian. but bo bian. nevermind lah, think long term, i can save that money for my expensive SIM studies. heh. note to children: study hard ah! don't end up entering a uni that sucks money cos' you have no choice.



sigh. my pigu hurts from hockey yesterday, super unfit lah. i remember this feeling last time after BSA only. sighhh. cannot admit i old and unfit liao lah. :X


need money. need job.


omg, ocip chalet is just THREE days away. i'm so high thinking about it man!!! can get to see everyone again!! woo! i miss everyone so much!! hahahaha.



i forgot how awesome LOTR was.

BLEH.

hahahah. irony. i was late, but i was second earliest. :P

tsktsk.


hockey was damn tiring. hahahah. run abit panting until cmi already. the rest also no where better lah. but play positions all wrong can!! hahahaha. but it was fun lah. then 4 of them played bridge to "rest", so me and goh decided to tan. damn funny. we kept laughing and laughing. then must keep "flipping" ourselves so that we can get even tan. tsktsk. damn lame.


watched king kong after that. FREAKING NICE. king kong so cute can!!!! where got scary?!?!? i think those black people more scary leh. but they kinda like sidekicks. dots. after king kong come out then they disappear liao, so wierd lah. then got so many bugs and dinosaurs and everything seems to balloon in the movie. everything upsize lah. centipedes upsize, cockroach upsize..

disgusting.


and i waited like 45mins for king kong to appear. so sian.

but he so cuteeeee. hahahaha.



anyway turkey really the best liao. before the movie started got advertisement mah, then got the chanel number 5 perfume with nicole kidman. the entire advertisement end liao, you know what she asked me?

"is it a new movie har?"

-_-'''





and then goh traumatised me.
in cheers looking for drinks.

she was standing at the milk section.
then i went over and she looked at me and said:" neh neh?"

WTF.



actually got alot of stupid comments that really make you go diao or WTF kind. but i super tired and lazy to type.

hahahah. tml got tuitioning.






she's afraid to go near the things she love, because she knows that the closer she becomes to them, one day, they'll just leave her.

Friday, December 16, 2005

blah.

perhaps love was so good i think writing about it would do the movie great injustice. so watch it yourself!

ps: i almost choked on my own droll watching takeshi. roy was next to me drooling over his sexy and husky voice zhou xun. but i gotta admit she is freaking charming! i love her eyes!!! and takeshi is damn shuai can! sigh...i love the soundtracks best. think i gonna buy it when it comes out. :D the plot is good. thinking movie if you ask me. (which you didn't)



roy was late cos' he had to feed his dog.



both of us like idiots like that. walk around in orhcard like we are tourists lah. damn blur we two. HAHAHAHAH. keep walking wrong way, and returning back to the same spot. like WTF. cannot take it. hahahah. we have poor direction sense.

roy saw winnie the pooh walking.




ATTEMPTED to walk to ps. lost our way. in the end i smart, suggested taking the train instead. HAHAHAHA. cafe cartel for our lunch. yum yum. :)

no money liao. spend so much. ROARRRRR!!



had to travel back to boon lay for tuitioning. finally got one student. i so happy. but teach until i die. that boy is gonna kill me. lucky is relief only. :P but he is cute though. sigh.


oh ya! saw zh and weijie outside jp. was rushing cos' i was late already. :P sorry guys!


stayed till 9:30pm till tuitioning ended. no students for next session so i entertained myself with goosebumps storybook and read half of another blyton storybook. felt retarded. brought back childhood memories though. :)


received turkey's msg to remind me got hockey outing TODAY. it's 1:15am. cannot sleep as usual. sigh.

i hope i won't be late. i hope it'll be fun. cos' i'm freaking forgoing $20 bucks to spend the day slacking and not working for mama. sigh. i'm so poor.




tidbits i heard during tuitioning.

"look, i just smacked a mosquito. come over to check it out! tell me what's special about it's legs?"

"ehhh..it's moving?"


i think i saw -_-''' for a moment on the teacher's face.

"other than it's legs moving..."

"ehhh..but it's moving!"



don't we all love children? :)



i'm tired. nights.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

jumpy.

i wanna highlight my hair soon! :D so exciting. i hope i don't spoil my hair quality though. all that wax and gel is ruining my hair. sobs. but well, highlights will certainly brighten up my day!!

but where to find reasonably priced and fairly good quality highlights? i mean which hairdresser or salon provides that service? hmmmm. please drop me a tag if you got any lobangs ok! thanks! :)


i'm still SUPER excited about going australia! the thought of roaming through flea markets and SHOPPING makes my adrenalin rush like mad. HEHEHEHE. i've got SO MUCH to buy!!!! oh man. need to start saving up. please please please don't tempt me.

i already have a list of wants in my mind. and i'm not saying what! :D


aust's currency should be about the same as singapore. i think theirs is slightly stronger..which means i can buy lesser. =(

you know i realised something: going to european countires means you SEE more but BUY less. going to asian countries meant you BUY more but SEE less. tsktsk. compromise eh?


darn.

and i think melbourne is having riots. racial issit? don't think i'll be heading to that region, but let's pray all disputes are resolved soon..




and i miss alot people man. still, i can satisfy myself in my mama's shop looking at taitais and their money and their never ending rows of cards in their wallets and the many designer labels and brands and clothes. woah. really opened my eyes.


and two of her friends told me to get long hair instead of keeping it short. ROARRRRRR!!!

i like short hair. i don't know why. sighhhh. perhaps it's that sight of long hair EVERYWHERE that kinda turns me off. and besides, they are so troublesome. i'll probably need to comb it a thousand times a day to untangle it whenever the wind blows. or when i exercise.(irony cos' i don't do that much =D) or when i eat, have to tie it back. or when i lower my head, i might scare people into thinking i am a ghost. or when it keeps falling into my eyes.

i like short hair cos' it's easy to maintain. it's unique. and you can style it whatever way you want. besides, it's me. :) so there. not another word ok!








i realised, i forgot how my face looks like most of the time. besides knowing i have bugs bunny teeth and vampire fangs. i usually forgot i have a dimple. and a little weeny birthmark at one corner of my lips. hmmmm.

until people tell me.

oh well. i'm happy with myself, thank you all. :) really.

i'm outta here. let me continue making my list of buys!!! TEEHEEHEE.

Monday, December 12, 2005

WOO HOO!

my family is going for holiday finally!! after me whining that all my friends are going and we are not, they've fianlly booked a 5 day 4 nights holiday to Perth! which is in Australia lah. might extend the holiday to individual touring if they feel like it. hahahaha. sadly, i'm off during chinese new year, which means....less visiting, and less hong bao! =( hahahah. but it's the only time the entire family has time together! :)

i'm so freaking excited! taking a plane makes me feel like a little girl all over again. :D remember my first flight i was so excited and the family went to Changi airport early and we ate there, and i ate so much i became airsick when the plane took off. the poor flight attendant had to take care of me while i felt puk-ish. *grins* darn i miss this feeling! (not the airsick-ness for god's sake!)

i've been to many places, but never Australia..definitely looking forward to it! =D (my ma refused my proposal to go Africa! =( )

hehe. exciting! flying SIA also! gonna ask the stewardess whether they have vacancies for air stewardess! =D so fun to be able to fly to so many places!!! hahahahah.

ehhhh. monday to wednesday should be booked to work for mama. thursday i take off day go watch perhaps love with roy, then tuitioning after that. friday meeting with hockers for playing? :) saturday, working again. sunday...hmmmmm...i think it's monz's birthday. THINK. it's either 18th or 28th. hahahah. shit.





i was just thinking very innocently...who would be willing to party and booze along with me in chalet. and then i realised...probably no one. =( sigh. suddenly my one and only chalet this year is going to be good clean fun. so sad. ok lah fine. i think i miss drinking. it's bad, but i miss that warm fuzzy wuzzy feeling. and it's good when you feel happy throughout the night.

i lost all my drinking buddies.

i'm clean.



somtimes i wish i can go wild. then something holds me back. i recall my past, and i did not like exactly what i had went through. but i missed certain parts of it. conflicting.



people grow up and start to think properly. mature?


in my mama's eyes, i think i will forever be a baby.


i'm the new xiang ge ge of the house. WAHAHAHAHAHAHA. (family joke)


i hate pimples.


where is marshy! long time no seeeeee. my thumbdrive still with youuuuu. and bishi has a personal dedication to you! hahahah. you online tell me ok! i'll send to you. :D




went out with jiex today. bought some stuff. quite happy. hahahah.

heard two comments from the sales people. one not so nice and one very nice.


"you are very fair.."

"you have lost weight already!"



ok..pretty clear which is good and which is bad right? hahahaha. darn it. first time kenna called FAIR. damn sad. die die must find time to tan liao. cmi.

off i go to bed! long day ahead! :)

Saturday, December 10, 2005

letter to santa.

Dear Santa,

i think i've been rather good this year. so please please please grant me my christmas wishes ok?

thank you very much. :)



--------------

i don't have any date for christmas yet. to my knowledge, my friends who are attached will be spending christmas with their gf/bf. which leaves me to find unattached friends who are not spending their white christmas with their family/other friends/overseas.

the list seems pretty short, but i haven't gotten around to asking people out. hahaha. last year's christmas was funnily wierd. i mean the company was unexpected. but many thanks to the one who accompanied me through my lonely christmas. :D



i'll be away from 20-23th dec at ocip chalet...FUN FUN FUN!! then the next day, being 24th and a SATURDAY translates to tuitioning job again. then i have no plans for 25th. =(

oh wells. things will happen i guess.

what's the point of having money but no where to spend? in any case, i don't mean i have alot money. because money doesn't drop from the sky while you are slacking. i need a high paying job, which i still cannot find. hahahah. well, in a sense i AM lazy. but i can work very hard if i want to. and in a sense, i kinda like having a privileged life. =( i'm spoilt rotten.

ok lah. gotta prepare for my tuition later. hope i don't screw it up man! nervous nervous.

good morning class!
i am miss teo!
(wtf, sounds so wierd can)

Thursday, December 08, 2005

yikes.

i took off day today. freaking tired. wanted to sleep more but stupid drilling came again, so i fell off my bed and slacked around doing....nothing.


oh well, nothing surprising right? hahaha. anyway, i didn't take the day off for fun. later gotta do relief teaching for pri 3 and 4 maths. i know i know! primary 3 and 4 only, scared for what??! but hey, i HATE maths ok. and god knows the kids nowadays learn so much more than we used to. scary ok. later they ask me question i don't know how to answer then i think i will dig a hole and bury myself for life. *grimace*

which explains why im at home trying to calm my nerves, and prepared to go earlier to look through my teaching materials, in case i screw up. yea. i need the money, so i guess it's worth it. might just toughen up my guts abit more.

hmmmm, i missed sa prom and the post prom party. heard it was quite good though. hmmmm. hahaha, nevermind lah, i still never regret not going. but i'm glad everyone enjoyed themselves.

another thing i'm quite annoyed is that EVERYONE is going overseas EXCEPT ME!!! that's too much man! i want to go overseas also!!!! *sighhhh* so unfair. maybe last time go overseas too much, now no money already. haahahahahah.

no lah, parents working. sigh.


oh wells. christmas is coming! terrible! I HAVE TO GIVE TUITION ON CHRISTMAS EVE!!! and i don't have any dates for christmas day. =( so sad ok. who wanna date me??

and i was thinking about last year, where me and a couple of friends went shopping together to buy each other presents. HAHAHAH. so fun can! but i doubt this year can. =( like everyone so busy. got money also won't spend on me lah hor? *hint hint*

anyway i got my present from jie already. and mama. and i bought so frekaing many things i am feeling terribly guilty. but i still want more! (which means i need more money!) i loveeee my presents by the way. :)

strawberry body lotion from bodyshop from jiex. then mama gave me a cacharel bag. :)))) niceeee. hippy is good.

i shall be the rock hippy chick. YEA!

alot pics leh. but i lazy to upload. hehe. i'm having alot fun with jie and mama at work. :)




but really horrible. SOMEONE FUCKING STOLE A PIECE OF CLOTHING FROM OUR SHOP YESTERDAY. i'm SUPER pissed. if i ever see that bitch again she's DEAD i tell you. i have my shares of stolen stuff by other thieves and apparently they DO NOT know the pain and emotions that streak through your mind when you realised something u own is LOST. may they burn and die in hell. oh wait, i forgot. all theives that cros my path will get knocked down AND run over by a freaking huge AND heavy lorry and then leave the person not dead, NOT alive. well, bascially jute there.

i am bitter. and i am a bitch about this, but i guess they are unforgivable in my list of "people who offend me". i HATE people who steal. and this hate is quite unexplainable. yet explainable. i guess the experiences i went through when my stuff got stolen was traumatising, and it still hurts to think back. especially when the things mean so much to you. really, i don't think they deserve to live. i don't care for thrill or you cannot afford then steal. but you steal, you die. you steal MY things, you die more horribly.

bad karma ok. what goes around comes around. you should know that even before you decide to get your filthy hands on my stuff. good riddance.

enough of that bitch who stole. and the other bastards who stole my other things.

i shall be the security guard during lunch time from now on. apparently i was very pissed yesterday after the incident which occurred in the middle of lunch time so i stood at the door still looking very pissed to see if anyone dares to steal again. thieves are tempted to try their hand again if they get away once. i know that. anyway, my mum said i was a very good security guard cos' i looked so terribly pissed. and i guess that translates to looking scary and fierce.

i know i don't look friendly when i'm pissed.

in short, don't ever piss me off.





ok. that's it for now. i really don't know when i can meet up with friends again. all don't know in what country enjoying their lives already. :( GET ME SOUVENIRS OK!! hahahahah.

i'm outta here.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

yawn.

i'm so tired, i think i shall not blog for a period of time.
physically tired and mentally.
too exhausted to think straight.

oh, hope yk enjoys his time in army. hahahahah. poor thing so early go in. but aiya, it's ok one man. i hope he can survive! :D

kinda miss all my friends and shopping trips with them.
sigh.
work stole my life.
i have no life.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

drools.

i shall be an absolute bimbo in this entry and declare with much drool and saliva and ermm..bimbo-ness to say that...

*drums roll*




takeshi aka jing chen wu is UBER DUPER HOT.

i'm just going to choke on my drool and die now.
gotta catch perhaps love.
chinese musical.
c'mon, when a guy wears glasses and is SUPPOSED to look like a nerd but still manages to pull it off and look HOT, that guy IS hot.


ok. that ends my much bimbo entry.
btw, think wang lee hom is hot too.
omfg. i think i am drooling.
i'm outta here!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

empty.

hmmmm.
besides feeling wierdly busy doing god knows what, i feel kinda empty.
it seems that i'm not really doing things that i want and like.
sure, slacking is something i like.
but i prefer something with meaning.
i said i'll borrow books and read them.
i haven't stepped into the library since As.
i said i will do voluntary work,
but i haven't gotten a single one.

i said i'll find a job,
fine, i got one year of tuitioning contract to do.
i said i'll go tanning,
but i was so busy slacking at home or working for my mum that i never found time to go down and get my ghastly pale tanned.

it's wierd you know.
the emptiness.

so much i really want to do, but i haven't done.

i guess i must start prioritising.



i was lying in bed one day at night, when everyone was asleep and i was probably the single living soul in my condominium.
i was thinking suddenly, and that thought struck me so hard i was stunned for a moment.
i realised i had no answers. i don't know where i'm going after i get my results.

i spoke to my mum one day while working for her, telling her that my results are not going to be that impressive, and i probably will have to go SIM because there is where i CAN go. i know my standards. i know my limits.
don't give me that bullshit that i will make it. becos' everytime i MADE it, i studied and worked my ass off for it. this time, i didn't even work 1/4 of my ass.
i know myself. and mum knows it too.

"you didn't work as hard as you did last time. this time you like very distracted by alot of things..so it's your own fault."


to some extent, i got pretty fired up at her words. but 3 seconds later, i realised she was right. it was all my fault, and i am the only one to blame. i wished i had done better, worked harder, but it's too late for regrets now. i know. and suddenly, i'm just terrified.

it's just that NEED to go to university, because my entire extended family EXPECTS me to make it there. my grandma would nag at me sometimes when i visit her, telling me to work hard and go university, because if i do, i'll be the 2nd(after my youngest uncle) or 3rd(after my sister, if she goes) to enter the university in the entire family.

yes. the pressure. and the pressureof not wanting to disappoint my father. he says nothing, but i can see everything from his eyes. he wants us to me succesful. which parent doesn't? but i think i will fail him this time round. i tried my best during PSLE. and my best during Olevels. but i have to admit it, i'm simply anther mediocre student academics wise.

ask me to do "think out of the box stuff" and i can do it easily. i love imaginative work. creative work. it lets me do the things i want. but syllabus wise, you simply have to reproduce what is printed out on the notes, and tada(!!) you make it. i admit that it annoys me because i know i'm no one special.

everyone dreams to make it big someway. but who can really succeed?
what then, is the defination of success? doesn't it vary from individual to individual? what i deem as successful, will others view likewise? do i even need to care about what others think?

in the future, will i be doing something i like? or doing something i dislike, or ave no passion for, yet forced to do it, because i have to make a living for myself. is that going to be how things are?

i used to reprimand myself for choosing the science faculty, knowing that i can probably do better in the arts fac, studying subjects i know i have a certain flair for since secondary school. i used to reprimand myself, thinking whether i chose the right route to JC life. then i told myself, what's the use of all these bullshit, when you're already halfway through, and pulling out is simply out of the question. why not, make the best out of what you have now?

and then i will ask myself--what do i have now?
and i'm mystified for an answer.
i still have no answer.


there's this conflict within me everyday. i question my purpose in life, and what i'm "destined" to do. people say everyone is supposed to take their own path, some paths will be harder to travel, some easier. but we'll all make it there in the end, if we don't give up. it's true? i guess my path will not be smooth, but i can declare happily, that i've grown up, in this tedious process. i daresay i've learnt to see this world and the people in different light. i've understood what really means to me, the people whom i know i will treasure for life, and others, whom i merely see as another existence on earth(and i believe that is viewed mutually).

there are people whom i believe i will not care even if i lose contact with. yet there are people, who will break my heart, should they simply retire as memories. there are things i yearn to complete, and yet have no courage. and there are things i know i will not step towards, even when i'm forced to.

reflections, reflections.

too much for one day i suppose.

what is my path? where is it going to lead me to? where will it end? how will it be like?

i guess i must fight for my path. endure throughout. it mostly boils down to me, and what i am going to do, and what i am WILLING to do about it.

it's gonna be difficult, but i'm going to try. i will.









completed yet another set of vcds i dug up from my sister's table. it's called 4 Sisters(translated to mandarin). actually it's a korean serial, but very nice plot. kinda weepy, and touching and funny all rolled into one. but i loved it. 2nd time watching it. really good. made me recall many things.

and it helps that the lead characters are good looking! hahahah. *drools*


i guess that show portrayed how life can be so difficult and unbearable at times, and it's up to us, to be brave and courageous, to fight all odds, and remain true to ourselves. in the end, we will make it.

now, it's not gonna be all talk and no actions.
at least i hope not.
i'm outta here.

ps: zw i removed your picture. relax. sorry ok.