being with happy friends make one a very happy girl. (:
hahahaha. today was so enjoyable it should be sinful!!! it's been freaking long since i actually had fun and laughed. sigh.
anyway, today i fell off my bed at 9plus so that i could go get a bath and meet roy and marshy at commonwealth mrt to go back rv see our teachers. actually alot pple going one ok, but all last minute pang seh-ed. GRRRRR. i hate pple who pang seh people.
ok fine, so i felt abit guilty that i did not stay home to study. but heck. i promised to go, and im not going to break this promise!! :) hee. so i WAS late, but thank god the other two pigs were later! :D hahahaha. dammit.
/at home.
"aiya shit, i going to be so late man..."
"aiyaaaa, won't one la..i think your friends confirm later than you."
/sms
"ehhh, i'll be abit late leh...(insert some stuff here)..where are you now?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAZ! mmmm..i'm still in woodlands..(whispers)"
WAH BIANG EH! hahahahaha. but ok la, he has valid reasons(which i still don't know but nvm! :) but after reading that sms and also one from roy which said that he just missed the bus, i finally slowed down walking. hahahaha. chey, my mum correct la, i won't be the latest among my friends one..*grins*
so anyway, met roy first then we walked to rv la..super alot juniors ok. hahahaha. we were so worried that we'll be late then arrive no one again. but lucky us! we met ALL our teachers! talked alot..then saw a couple of friends, and sadly, 4D only got around 6 people present. *sigh* me, zh, roy, zn, kj, yx. hahahaha. but wells, it was damn funny can. im so sad i didn't have my camera with me. :(
zhengnian was being as irritating as ever. man, can you believe a guy that OGGLES at girls despite the fact that he has a gf(or laopo as he calls her). hahahaha. his first word to me also not bad la.
"so how...now got boyfriend not?"
"don't have la..."
"aiya, nevermind, if we got yuan fen, you can wait for me!"
-_-'''
this entry is going to be full of quotes from INTERESTING conversations man. hahahah, today really made me laugh like mad. =D but pardon my blog skills cos it may not sound so funny afterall. :p
can refer to zihao's blog for more quotes from zhengnian. he is RIDICULOUS(<--ZIHAO PLEASE NOTE THIS SPELLING!!!! =D).
slacked around the canteen. saw two of my juniors and we started talking. they were commenting how slack i was cos' i am not home studying..*grimaces*
"aiyooo! why you still here?? so good come see teachers meh?"
"hanor..come with friends ma.."
"don't need to study ah? all J2s at home mugging leh..you still here!"
"you also got promos what! why not home mugging?"
"promos got as important as PRELIMS and ALEVELS meh?"
"kanasai. *punches him on the arm* then your girlfriend where?"
"at home mugging lor."
-at this point his class girls started talking to him-
"wah lau eh, got girlfriend liao still flirt so much"
"no laaa, this one very normal liao"(the other junior say one)
"HANOR!!! how can call this flirt?? people shuai can't be helped what!"(himself)
-_-'''
"ehhhh, i think i taller than you already!!"(1st junior)
"i think me also leh!!(2nd junior)
note:both are guys btw, and were shorter than me. WERE.
"hanar, very tall already la you two."
"HAHAHAHA, ya lor, last time i see you, you damn tall ok."
"hanor, so scary. see now we taller than you already."
"chey, abit only ma. by standards you all still very short."
"ya..true la, i very sad ok. but can find shorter gf can liao! but nevermind la, they say short guys are shuai-er!"
-_-'''
someone tell me, why do i have such idiotic juniors. hahahaha.
i left them soon after cos' their classmates wanted to play bball. hahahaha. damn man, i think those juniors think im like their brother. hahahaha. super funny. but they are great juniors la! :) miss sjab man..and yes, i was the only j2 that came back from sjab. =(
found the guys slacking around a few benches. so went there and slacked and talked abit. hahahah. (refer to zihao's blog for more of zhengnian's comments)
but one more down here.
"ehhh, support yellow ribbon project ah?" *points to ribbon on my bag*
"ya lor.."
"good good. society must have people like you so that i next time got hope when i come out of prison."
-_-'''
hahahah, so me, roy and zh headed to TOWN. goddammit. yes town. sinful yes. hahahaha. but the OLDEST among us wanted to look for levis jeans ma. :D hahahah.
/at somerset mrt station tunnel.
(i think they were talking about the army check-ups)
"ehhh, that time i saw a very chio officer there lehh!"
note: zihao's eyes effectively LIT UP like some chikorbei spotting his poor target.
"really???! where?"
"hahahaha, wah he really chio lor."
note: zihao's eyes UNLIT immediately.
"HUH??? HE??? i thought is girl!"
"hanor, where got HE chio one. features very nice issit?"
"no la...joking la..it's a girl la."
note: zihao turns to shake his finger at roy.
"first you bring me up talking about a chio officer, then you crash me down..don't bluff la"
"hahahah, really la, girl la!"
(moral of story here is how chikorbei zihao is. you won't believe that every minute he is hardworkingly checking out girls. "girls like guys to be observant maaaa" is his protest. :D)
"ehh, officer earn quite alot leh..$500 plus basic pay..."
"no la, not enough one, if you must yang gf.."
"hahahaha, i don't think i can find gf in army la."
"hahahaha, hanor, but nevermind la.."(haven't finish my sentence)
(zihao turns around to face me and cuts in)
-speaks together-
"HAHAHAHA, got BOYFRIEND ma!"
=D
met bishi there. walked around with the shopping queen who zoomed in and out of shops. *shakes head* hahaha, went to find for roy's toy camera, but don't have..got at forum though..
so we went to eat at crystal jade for lunch la. we were starving and bishi was on a burping mania. -_-''' super unglam, for all that bimbo-ness. hahahah. talked alot during the meal man. made me laugh alot. hahahaha. damn im so sad i can't take down all the stupid jokes and things we did. =( i hope zh rmbs more. and roy also. hahahah. den i can read their blog and laugh at how stupid our antics were.
yea, especially bishi and her ultra bimbotic ways. do you know we were eating the la mian(she wasn't eating) and zh's and roy's were some chilli OIL soup. it looked murderous(both cos' spicy and OILY) hahahah. then bishi kept: sOOOOOOOoo oily!!!
....-_-'''
hahahahah. and her very motherly manner. she wants to get married and have kids by what? 24??? oh man.
and when i dissed her about her being so motherly and house-wifey, you know what she said??
note: it was in a very very very (insert all bimbotic terms) tone.
"at least i can keep my house clean wadddd.."
... no comments. hahahaha. :D
guess i'm not much of a house-wifey person. if my husband insists i sweep/mop the floor, i'll probably hit him unconscious with the stick first.
i saw the flabbiest butt i've ever seen. it's terrible. really terrible. i was trying to ignore the sight infront of me but zihao had to point it out. darn, today we keep seeing the same things. hahahaha. rmb the "wanting"? but it was seriously vibrating alot with every step. AND I COULD SEE THE VPL. what a turn-off.
but thank goodness i saw a couple of nice looking people too! :) ah yes, best friend, i do look at girls, but i'm really straight! :)
walked around alot. then decided to go to forum to get roy's toy camera. hahahaha. i mean at least 3 out of 4 of us knew. apparently some bimbo didn't know. but was leading us there.
so half way. when she said that one sentence. i almost died.
"ehhh, i know already! we are going forum to get roy's camera issit???"
note: imagine three -_-''' faces. hahahahah. tell me it's unbelievable.
anyway, incredibly, we spent super long in toys 'r'us cos the toys were REALLY intriguing. im serious. i think we all lack childhood. hahahaha. *blEh* i've also concluded that elmos are scary. it scared me and it scared bishi also. HAHAHAHAHA. luckily i more glam than her.
decided to go home. but roy nicely treated us to drinks! =) hee. soooo nice.
on the train. bishi started to gao zi bi, then me and roy were chattering away. darn i miss those days when we would talk into hours of the night for like super long. *sighs* this is called huai jiu man. hee. :) miss ya dude! im so glad the four of us got together anyway. our gathering is always so small, but i enjoy myself like hell everytime!!! WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN!!!! :)
thanks guys! thanks for everything! =)
ps: roy pls send me the pic of two of us ok!!! hahahah.
to zihao: stop singing that cady shop song. make me think until shldnt think the stuff. HAHAHAHAH.
to bishi: don't so bimbo laaaa. :P
i'm so happy. alex just called me meinu online. HAHAHAHA. *floating*
but he just told me it's his sub motto of his life. means just to make me happy la. grrr. :(
heh. i just changed my earrings to BOTH black round studs. wah that stick so thick, i was like slowly pushing them in. hope no infection. my ears are damn sensitive, and also cos' i don't take my studs out for months. it's called laziness. :)
lalaaaa~ can't wait to read haoz's blog. hope he rmbed more than me. =x
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
maths is mad.
i prefer to think of it as so. *points to title of entry*
yes. and i've come up with a theory that i doubt 99% of the population living on this world would disaree with me. but heck. i believe in in ok. and im entitled to my opinions. and it's not just some stupid fling of a comment im putting up here.
there is a stark difference between being ABLE to do maths, and LIKING maths. get that clear.
anyway, here's the theory:
mathematicians are stupid people who come up with different kinds of theories and formulas just to make people look stupider than them.
get it?
now everyone repeat after me!! hahahhaha.
damn, im self-entertaining. fine. so perhaps im trying to comfort myself. but heck, i feel better already. besides, 3 hours of studying before the test will not do much help especially since i did not study maths for the past 1 yr and plus. woO~ yea, so i wldn't be surprised to know that i got worse than my usual 20 plus score. i was sleeping half the way anyway.
my head was throbbing like some internal earthquake. i was starving because i did not eat lunch and i only had a piece of bread before coming to school. my digestive juices were all churning around and some were even rising up to my throat, making me feel like puking. so, i went to sleep lor.
aiya enough about that totally loser paper. life after maths paper makes me feel like an imbecile momentarily. luckily there are other stuff that makes me believe i am much more than idiotic maths.
stayed back after school to do some teachers' day stuff for all our teachers. hmmmm, ok la. then delivered the packages and gave miss tan her birthday cake with the cards at the staffroom. hahaha, actually she's really nice encouraging us a stuff. sigh, i really don't want to disappoint anyone. so much pressure and stress..internal and external. damn stress.
actually i realised i am usually so pissed with myself that i have no time to be pissed with other people. i end up being pissed cos' i can't do this/can't do that/can't do things properly/can't make things turn out the way i want them to. it frustrates me when i lose control of my own life.
this is probably why i lose my temper so often recently. i'll be so glad to be emotionally stable. *sigh*
and im pretty glad i don't do so because i have pretty crazy friends around me too. and that kinda neutralises out. think: crazy+crazy=sane.
and probably because im perhaps one of the few people that can laugh away failures. i'll be the first person i ever know to be able to GRIN AND SMILE away after flunking a paper i just did for test/exams simply because i cldn't be bothered. but of cos', that usually happens for maths.
i should get started with my other subs soon.
relax..it's only prelims ma...
you see, everyone is telling me that. i scared one day..it'll be:
relax..it's only the As ma...
by then. i gone case liao.
the art of procrastinating sucks. i've mastered it over the years.
dunno tml wan go back rv for teachers' day stuff not. hahahaha. lazy. and im so fat i doubt i can fit into my outside clothes now. study-binge.
so i close my eyes and count to ten, and i wish that everything will be wonderful again when i open them..
yes. and i've come up with a theory that i doubt 99% of the population living on this world would disaree with me. but heck. i believe in in ok. and im entitled to my opinions. and it's not just some stupid fling of a comment im putting up here.
there is a stark difference between being ABLE to do maths, and LIKING maths. get that clear.
anyway, here's the theory:
mathematicians are stupid people who come up with different kinds of theories and formulas just to make people look stupider than them.
get it?
now everyone repeat after me!! hahahhaha.
damn, im self-entertaining. fine. so perhaps im trying to comfort myself. but heck, i feel better already. besides, 3 hours of studying before the test will not do much help especially since i did not study maths for the past 1 yr and plus. woO~ yea, so i wldn't be surprised to know that i got worse than my usual 20 plus score. i was sleeping half the way anyway.
my head was throbbing like some internal earthquake. i was starving because i did not eat lunch and i only had a piece of bread before coming to school. my digestive juices were all churning around and some were even rising up to my throat, making me feel like puking. so, i went to sleep lor.
aiya enough about that totally loser paper. life after maths paper makes me feel like an imbecile momentarily. luckily there are other stuff that makes me believe i am much more than idiotic maths.
stayed back after school to do some teachers' day stuff for all our teachers. hmmmm, ok la. then delivered the packages and gave miss tan her birthday cake with the cards at the staffroom. hahaha, actually she's really nice encouraging us a stuff. sigh, i really don't want to disappoint anyone. so much pressure and stress..internal and external. damn stress.
actually i realised i am usually so pissed with myself that i have no time to be pissed with other people. i end up being pissed cos' i can't do this/can't do that/can't do things properly/can't make things turn out the way i want them to. it frustrates me when i lose control of my own life.
this is probably why i lose my temper so often recently. i'll be so glad to be emotionally stable. *sigh*
and im pretty glad i don't do so because i have pretty crazy friends around me too. and that kinda neutralises out. think: crazy+crazy=sane.
and probably because im perhaps one of the few people that can laugh away failures. i'll be the first person i ever know to be able to GRIN AND SMILE away after flunking a paper i just did for test/exams simply because i cldn't be bothered. but of cos', that usually happens for maths.
i should get started with my other subs soon.
relax..it's only prelims ma...
you see, everyone is telling me that. i scared one day..it'll be:
relax..it's only the As ma...
by then. i gone case liao.
the art of procrastinating sucks. i've mastered it over the years.
dunno tml wan go back rv for teachers' day stuff not. hahahaha. lazy. and im so fat i doubt i can fit into my outside clothes now. study-binge.
so i close my eyes and count to ten, and i wish that everything will be wonderful again when i open them..
Monday, August 29, 2005
pms.
this is such a lame excuse to account for bad mood.
help! im REALLY going to fail maths tml. people practicing their maths, i down here slacking. arghhhs!
someone spur me on!!!
haix. man. sometimes i feel like i have no life la. hahahaha. maybe i AM a boring person. i feel trapped. trapped in a life i do not want to live, doing the things i do not want to do..what is the point of living then?
because there are infact others around me that are suffering so much more. and yet i am here complaining about how lousy my life is. at least i get to eat 3 meals a day. i get to possess so many more things than people in other countries can afford. what the hell man? what did i learn to cherish and treasure has flown out of my head??!!
i must now constantly remind myself, that what i am going through now is actually nothing compared to the sufferings and pain of the others. yes, there are more important things that face us in the world out there. more important than us whining about what we have or do not have, simply just to fulfil our inner desires.
here i am complaining that studying sucks. yet in other countries children can't even afford to study! it's such a vicious downward spiral. non-educated cannot get good jobs. marry, have children, cannot give children good education. children grow up cannot get good jobs. marry. have their own children..blahblahblah.
yea, that's what i learn in both geog and econs. hahaha.
it's true isnt it? often we do not realise we have so much infront of us when we are blindly pursuing more and more things that we do not have. that's i suppose, human nature.
so i must now oppose this horrible human nature and start appreciating. for what i detest and conplain about now, may disppear from my life one day. and when that happens, i'm pretty sure i'll start regretting.
but so what? everything would be over then. being sorry wouldn't help a teeny weeny bit.
so conclusion is i wanna apologise to all whom i've been bad-tempered towards, been unreasonably whine-y and full of complaints. i will try to minimise these complain or simply just internalise them.
i do not wish to irritate the hell out of others. because i know how it feel to be irritated by others too. *sigh*
well, sometimes we just can't do as we wish. because we do not live in a world where there is only me, me and only me. it's a world out there. full of people i love, people im neutral towards, people i care for, people who care for me, and people whom i've not met.
they are part of my life..and i do not wish to lose them..for perhaps, i've realised, they ARE my life.
help! im REALLY going to fail maths tml. people practicing their maths, i down here slacking. arghhhs!
someone spur me on!!!
haix. man. sometimes i feel like i have no life la. hahahaha. maybe i AM a boring person. i feel trapped. trapped in a life i do not want to live, doing the things i do not want to do..what is the point of living then?
because there are infact others around me that are suffering so much more. and yet i am here complaining about how lousy my life is. at least i get to eat 3 meals a day. i get to possess so many more things than people in other countries can afford. what the hell man? what did i learn to cherish and treasure has flown out of my head??!!
i must now constantly remind myself, that what i am going through now is actually nothing compared to the sufferings and pain of the others. yes, there are more important things that face us in the world out there. more important than us whining about what we have or do not have, simply just to fulfil our inner desires.
here i am complaining that studying sucks. yet in other countries children can't even afford to study! it's such a vicious downward spiral. non-educated cannot get good jobs. marry, have children, cannot give children good education. children grow up cannot get good jobs. marry. have their own children..blahblahblah.
yea, that's what i learn in both geog and econs. hahaha.
it's true isnt it? often we do not realise we have so much infront of us when we are blindly pursuing more and more things that we do not have. that's i suppose, human nature.
so i must now oppose this horrible human nature and start appreciating. for what i detest and conplain about now, may disppear from my life one day. and when that happens, i'm pretty sure i'll start regretting.
but so what? everything would be over then. being sorry wouldn't help a teeny weeny bit.
so conclusion is i wanna apologise to all whom i've been bad-tempered towards, been unreasonably whine-y and full of complaints. i will try to minimise these complain or simply just internalise them.
i do not wish to irritate the hell out of others. because i know how it feel to be irritated by others too. *sigh*
well, sometimes we just can't do as we wish. because we do not live in a world where there is only me, me and only me. it's a world out there. full of people i love, people im neutral towards, people i care for, people who care for me, and people whom i've not met.
they are part of my life..and i do not wish to lose them..for perhaps, i've realised, they ARE my life.
whine whine.
ah yes. i admit i'm a super huge whiner.
but i too realised something. i whine about my grades and academics stuff only.
yups. so i figured out the moment i stop studying and start to enjoy life, i'll pretty much become a quit-whiner very soon! i can't wait man. i hate to whine everyday in my blog about how lousy my grades are and how much im failing.
BAH. so today's paper killed me. nothing out of ordinary. tml's paper is probably going to slaughter me. but i cannot say anything about tml's paper, because i haven't study a single shit. i might as well go eat shit first. no hard work= no results. we all know that.
but then again, there is hard work and may not produce results. and then there is SELECTIVE hard work and produce minimal results. i belong to the last one. darn selective studying. damn it. i shld have never done it. heck. and i happened to selective on nuclear physics. fook. it's like fucking easy can???!! and i totally did not study in depth, so i did not know the full answers to the Qs, so i did not do. yay.
and guess what. my gravitation Q is probably going to get 2 marks max. whoppingly exciting. passing physics is gonna be exhilarating mans. aim for pass this prelims, and hopefully i can jump a few grades to get a B in As. WAHAHAHAHA. who am i kidding man.
sighsigh. that's it la. GP first time this yr did my summary. but did not finish my AQ as a result. yup. and i think i screwed up my essay. ARGHS. so disappointed with myself. did not feel that sense of achievement when i finished writing. usually i wld have a slight tinge of self-satisfaction one..=(
im freaking depressed la. heck heck. i'll like to pretend im ok. it's just the PRELIMS ma you all tell me. sure, it's prelims and you guys will be getting Cs the minumum, and lousy me can't even pass. see the irony? HEH.
but i gotta thank many people who pushed me on man. especially to wei qiang. hahahaha. he's a damn good motivator. can you believe he msges me everyday to check on my progress, answers ALL my questions on physics, give me advices, comforts me and even sends me encouraging quotes from famour people then tell me moral of story??!!! hahahaha. man, that's so totally my brother! :) thanks dude, though i know you don't even know of this blog. hee.
but i think i gonna disappoint him in the end for this time round. sigh. i feel so upset. but i guess since im here already, might as well continue right. give up half way im nowhere here nor there. hard work reaps results. yupyup. i must try to rmb this. and stop slacking onthe excuse of relieving stress. HAHAHAHA!
homerun was good. second time watching. think first time with er..forgot who. but a group of frens la. wah i still think that megan girl damn good. she cry make me want to cry. hahahaha. her face like speaks volumes man! *kudos!* i love expressive faces. but must be pleasant looking expressive faces la.
:)
someone sat beside me during GP papers. he took of his shoes and started to shake his feet. damn distracting. i cldnt help but notice his socks got holes also, although adidas one. HAHAHAHA.
go figure.
i wanna be a happy girl! (:
i hate being left out. =(
am i really so un-fun to be with? *sigh*
but i too realised something. i whine about my grades and academics stuff only.
yups. so i figured out the moment i stop studying and start to enjoy life, i'll pretty much become a quit-whiner very soon! i can't wait man. i hate to whine everyday in my blog about how lousy my grades are and how much im failing.
BAH. so today's paper killed me. nothing out of ordinary. tml's paper is probably going to slaughter me. but i cannot say anything about tml's paper, because i haven't study a single shit. i might as well go eat shit first. no hard work= no results. we all know that.
but then again, there is hard work and may not produce results. and then there is SELECTIVE hard work and produce minimal results. i belong to the last one. darn selective studying. damn it. i shld have never done it. heck. and i happened to selective on nuclear physics. fook. it's like fucking easy can???!! and i totally did not study in depth, so i did not know the full answers to the Qs, so i did not do. yay.
and guess what. my gravitation Q is probably going to get 2 marks max. whoppingly exciting. passing physics is gonna be exhilarating mans. aim for pass this prelims, and hopefully i can jump a few grades to get a B in As. WAHAHAHAHA. who am i kidding man.
sighsigh. that's it la. GP first time this yr did my summary. but did not finish my AQ as a result. yup. and i think i screwed up my essay. ARGHS. so disappointed with myself. did not feel that sense of achievement when i finished writing. usually i wld have a slight tinge of self-satisfaction one..=(
im freaking depressed la. heck heck. i'll like to pretend im ok. it's just the PRELIMS ma you all tell me. sure, it's prelims and you guys will be getting Cs the minumum, and lousy me can't even pass. see the irony? HEH.
but i gotta thank many people who pushed me on man. especially to wei qiang. hahahaha. he's a damn good motivator. can you believe he msges me everyday to check on my progress, answers ALL my questions on physics, give me advices, comforts me and even sends me encouraging quotes from famour people then tell me moral of story??!!! hahahaha. man, that's so totally my brother! :) thanks dude, though i know you don't even know of this blog. hee.
but i think i gonna disappoint him in the end for this time round. sigh. i feel so upset. but i guess since im here already, might as well continue right. give up half way im nowhere here nor there. hard work reaps results. yupyup. i must try to rmb this. and stop slacking onthe excuse of relieving stress. HAHAHAHA!
homerun was good. second time watching. think first time with er..forgot who. but a group of frens la. wah i still think that megan girl damn good. she cry make me want to cry. hahahaha. her face like speaks volumes man! *kudos!* i love expressive faces. but must be pleasant looking expressive faces la.
:)
someone sat beside me during GP papers. he took of his shoes and started to shake his feet. damn distracting. i cldnt help but notice his socks got holes also, although adidas one. HAHAHAHA.
go figure.
i wanna be a happy girl! (:
i hate being left out. =(
am i really so un-fun to be with? *sigh*
Sunday, August 28, 2005
*screams*
literally.
im not screaming now la.
freak, im so darn stressed and yet i am not doing anything.
what do you call someone good at somethings, lousy and many things, and excellent at nothing? check the dictionary for the word "jielin".
i might just submit a proposal to oxford dictionary publishers to try add this word into their list. might become rich man.
arghhhhhs. you know how it feels like when you have friends around you that are mugging like crazy every single waking second? they mug from day to night. break a few mins then continue mugging again.
i mug a few hours(with intermittent breaks in betweeen), take a nap for 2 hours, wake up watch tv, try to mug then go to sleep again.
im so pissed with myself i feel like getting a rope to
a)hang myself
b)strangle myself
c)ask someone near me to do either a) or b)
i'm such a sadist. and pessimist at that.
you know sometimes i wonder who actually has access to my blog. and then again i think of what zihao said to me before, then perhaps i don't really care.
i know of people i care who read this blog, then i know of people whom i don't care much about reading my blog too. surprise! why would people who don't care much for your living existence even want to waaste their time reading your blog?
i guess it's a human nature to be curious and inquisitive.
i'm also much of a blogger reader myself. meaning that i go around reading blogs, but i do not leave comments in those blogs. but i read blogs with content la. hahaha, various contents. and i do enjoy them, for the style of writing, that easy flair of language or be it pictorial that always manages to engage me...it's pretty time consuming.
but heck. i'm wasting my time here too.
you know what. im so fuckign pissed with maths i feel like tearing or buring away my notes.
what's wrong with me man??!!! i can do some topics and then other topics i feel like a 100% retard.
see? that's my problem. maths is so NOT me. despite how much i try, i would be lucky to even get a E. or O.(let's not expect too highly of myself)
others do maths like a breeze. and im super amazed at their easy As and Bs. people tell me maths is the easiest subject of all, and i can be so awed and choke in my own self wallow and pity and whatever.
see? that's me. some people can do maths, some cannot. i guess i belong to the latter.
if only a miracle can happen. HAH.
maybe i should get back to studying.
sometimes i just wanna give up, and give those around me a chance to call me a loser.
and then i remember that is not my nature to give up so easily.
neither do i like people to think/call me a loser.
and i think of my dreams.
and then i struggle on.
pride and dignity.
just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.
just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.
just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.
im not screaming now la.
freak, im so darn stressed and yet i am not doing anything.
what do you call someone good at somethings, lousy and many things, and excellent at nothing? check the dictionary for the word "jielin".
i might just submit a proposal to oxford dictionary publishers to try add this word into their list. might become rich man.
arghhhhhs. you know how it feels like when you have friends around you that are mugging like crazy every single waking second? they mug from day to night. break a few mins then continue mugging again.
i mug a few hours(with intermittent breaks in betweeen), take a nap for 2 hours, wake up watch tv, try to mug then go to sleep again.
im so pissed with myself i feel like getting a rope to
a)hang myself
b)strangle myself
c)ask someone near me to do either a) or b)
i'm such a sadist. and pessimist at that.
you know sometimes i wonder who actually has access to my blog. and then again i think of what zihao said to me before, then perhaps i don't really care.
i know of people i care who read this blog, then i know of people whom i don't care much about reading my blog too. surprise! why would people who don't care much for your living existence even want to waaste their time reading your blog?
i guess it's a human nature to be curious and inquisitive.
i'm also much of a blogger reader myself. meaning that i go around reading blogs, but i do not leave comments in those blogs. but i read blogs with content la. hahaha, various contents. and i do enjoy them, for the style of writing, that easy flair of language or be it pictorial that always manages to engage me...it's pretty time consuming.
but heck. i'm wasting my time here too.
you know what. im so fuckign pissed with maths i feel like tearing or buring away my notes.
what's wrong with me man??!!! i can do some topics and then other topics i feel like a 100% retard.
see? that's my problem. maths is so NOT me. despite how much i try, i would be lucky to even get a E. or O.(let's not expect too highly of myself)
others do maths like a breeze. and im super amazed at their easy As and Bs. people tell me maths is the easiest subject of all, and i can be so awed and choke in my own self wallow and pity and whatever.
see? that's me. some people can do maths, some cannot. i guess i belong to the latter.
if only a miracle can happen. HAH.
maybe i should get back to studying.
sometimes i just wanna give up, and give those around me a chance to call me a loser.
and then i remember that is not my nature to give up so easily.
neither do i like people to think/call me a loser.
and i think of my dreams.
and then i struggle on.
pride and dignity.
just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.
just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.
just keep mugging. just keep mugging.just keep mugging. just keep mugging.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
surprise!
not much of a surprise la. actually i wonder if anyone even noticed my adsence from the internet.
long story cut short, my internet/lappy crashed. virtually crashed so much so that i could do nothing but stare and curse in frustrations. yes, i did mention that failures of technology brings out the worse in me..
perhaps it is a blessing in disguise, maybe it's not. so now, im using my parents' computer. the internet connection here is WORSE. slow. but at least i can access webpages/websites i need to. the bad thing is that i cant sign into msn using this com. well, *shrugs*, i doubt if anyone missed me anyway.
become much of an anti-social of late.
studying? perhaps. more of TRYING to study.
really stressed. yet not really stressed. dunno why, miss tan asked me not to be so stressed today. said im not one who can cope with stress, so don't over-stress myself and in the end cannot perform at fullest potential.
i think what she said was true to a certain extent. *shrugs*
shall not debate here.
having been thinking alot lately. really confused about some stuff. not sure what to make of it. what to say.
some things, are better left unsaid afterall.
for i could be accused of being insensitive all over again.
i just hate questions lingering in the air.
that air of uncertainty.
ridiculous isn't it?
a "friend" i've not had a proper conversation with in like what? 4 days? amazing. not even a single word. *shrugs*
friends. i wonder why they form such a substantial amount of my life.
one thing. random. not to anyone in particular, lest anyone accuses me again.
do nto assume you know me very well. to APPEAR like im studying DOES NOT mean that i AM studying ok.
do not assume that i'm "art-sy" and hence take geography. (no offence to arts students, i do love arts)
i admit i am dumb sci and maths wise. perhaps you had put it across subtly. i do not deny that fact that perhaps i am even slightly stupid. at least i tried.
i do know that i am lagging behind and have no time to make decisions, but sometimes you do not know what i am going through, so do not jump into conclusions. you are not me. you do not know me that well. so don't start assuming.
irritating.
4 sub perhaps is too much for me to handle. i have no idea WHY the hell im still holding on. i know each and everyone of you doubt my abilities. i know. but im still trying ok.
im not smart. so stupid people have to try to work hard.
if i do not initiate to start a conversation with you, that means im not interested in talking. you see, i find no interest or depth in making meaningless small-talk. for people who indulge in it, are mostly people who do not sincerely care about the topics being discussed or even the person you are acknowledging.
think about it yourself. i'm sure i am right to a certain extent.
but there are exceptions of course. with people who are sincere and friendly, and i totally appreciate it.
just be sincere when you are with me, that's all i ask for.
am i too demanding?
crap. i feel so emo now. must be pms. arghhhhs.
i don't even know if i want to go school tml. should just tell me parents tml is NO SCHOOL. woO~
you see, sometimes we are indulging ourselves in our little mini world that we often forget about people and things that are happening outside this is puny world of ours.
me. me. me.
long story cut short, my internet/lappy crashed. virtually crashed so much so that i could do nothing but stare and curse in frustrations. yes, i did mention that failures of technology brings out the worse in me..
perhaps it is a blessing in disguise, maybe it's not. so now, im using my parents' computer. the internet connection here is WORSE. slow. but at least i can access webpages/websites i need to. the bad thing is that i cant sign into msn using this com. well, *shrugs*, i doubt if anyone missed me anyway.
become much of an anti-social of late.
studying? perhaps. more of TRYING to study.
really stressed. yet not really stressed. dunno why, miss tan asked me not to be so stressed today. said im not one who can cope with stress, so don't over-stress myself and in the end cannot perform at fullest potential.
i think what she said was true to a certain extent. *shrugs*
shall not debate here.
having been thinking alot lately. really confused about some stuff. not sure what to make of it. what to say.
some things, are better left unsaid afterall.
for i could be accused of being insensitive all over again.
i just hate questions lingering in the air.
that air of uncertainty.
ridiculous isn't it?
a "friend" i've not had a proper conversation with in like what? 4 days? amazing. not even a single word. *shrugs*
friends. i wonder why they form such a substantial amount of my life.
one thing. random. not to anyone in particular, lest anyone accuses me again.
do nto assume you know me very well. to APPEAR like im studying DOES NOT mean that i AM studying ok.
do not assume that i'm "art-sy" and hence take geography. (no offence to arts students, i do love arts)
i admit i am dumb sci and maths wise. perhaps you had put it across subtly. i do not deny that fact that perhaps i am even slightly stupid. at least i tried.
i do know that i am lagging behind and have no time to make decisions, but sometimes you do not know what i am going through, so do not jump into conclusions. you are not me. you do not know me that well. so don't start assuming.
irritating.
4 sub perhaps is too much for me to handle. i have no idea WHY the hell im still holding on. i know each and everyone of you doubt my abilities. i know. but im still trying ok.
im not smart. so stupid people have to try to work hard.
if i do not initiate to start a conversation with you, that means im not interested in talking. you see, i find no interest or depth in making meaningless small-talk. for people who indulge in it, are mostly people who do not sincerely care about the topics being discussed or even the person you are acknowledging.
think about it yourself. i'm sure i am right to a certain extent.
but there are exceptions of course. with people who are sincere and friendly, and i totally appreciate it.
just be sincere when you are with me, that's all i ask for.
am i too demanding?
crap. i feel so emo now. must be pms. arghhhhs.
i don't even know if i want to go school tml. should just tell me parents tml is NO SCHOOL. woO~
you see, sometimes we are indulging ourselves in our little mini world that we often forget about people and things that are happening outside this is puny world of ours.
me. me. me.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
wierdest dream.
i had the wierdest dream ever. EVER.
it's so freaking wierd and stupid i think i will not even want to talk about it. so embarrassing ok.
no, it's not a wet dream.
BAH.
i hate dreaming when sleeping. takes up alot energy. really sucks you of everything. unrestful mind and body. i wake up to a very pissed and restless jielin, instead of radiant and shining jielin.
hahahahaha. like i was ever shining or radiant.
you know how much i like to whine right?
so now i shall whine about how i can't seem to get the best of both worlds. you know life is all about compromising. friendship is all about compromising..it seems like when i'm closer to a group of people, i drift from certain people. it's annoying and frustrating. but my friends are so different and diverse and i love being with all of them. but it's perpetually impossible to be with ALL at the same time.
note to syaf
syafFy(since you insisted on the double F hahahaha :D), i know you'll be reading this, so i just wanna tell you that: hey, i'm not bothered that eating out with you might be considered a "chore" in your eyes, but i really don't mind at all! friends have to take and give. often we have to give more than we take..and i don't mind having to eat halal along with you everytime! :) but of cos' i must eat my non-halal food once in a while..hee..
so i don't want you thinking that being with you is troublesome cos' have to look out for what we can eat together or what we cannot. i love your company and you are a great friend. for these, i sacrifice this little puny wee bit of food, NEVERMIND LA! (i'm dieting anyway!)
hahahaha. and besides, muslim and halal food are yummy!!! :)
there, i've said my piece. now be a good little syafFy flufFy doGgy and be happy! :) cheers to our friendship!!! *grins*
-------
sometimes i dread when my fears are coming true. i just pray, that i am thinking too much.
it's so freaking wierd and stupid i think i will not even want to talk about it. so embarrassing ok.
no, it's not a wet dream.
BAH.
i hate dreaming when sleeping. takes up alot energy. really sucks you of everything. unrestful mind and body. i wake up to a very pissed and restless jielin, instead of radiant and shining jielin.
hahahahaha. like i was ever shining or radiant.
you know how much i like to whine right?
so now i shall whine about how i can't seem to get the best of both worlds. you know life is all about compromising. friendship is all about compromising..it seems like when i'm closer to a group of people, i drift from certain people. it's annoying and frustrating. but my friends are so different and diverse and i love being with all of them. but it's perpetually impossible to be with ALL at the same time.
note to syaf
syafFy(since you insisted on the double F hahahaha :D), i know you'll be reading this, so i just wanna tell you that: hey, i'm not bothered that eating out with you might be considered a "chore" in your eyes, but i really don't mind at all! friends have to take and give. often we have to give more than we take..and i don't mind having to eat halal along with you everytime! :) but of cos' i must eat my non-halal food once in a while..hee..
so i don't want you thinking that being with you is troublesome cos' have to look out for what we can eat together or what we cannot. i love your company and you are a great friend. for these, i sacrifice this little puny wee bit of food, NEVERMIND LA! (i'm dieting anyway!)
hahahaha. and besides, muslim and halal food are yummy!!! :)
there, i've said my piece. now be a good little syafFy flufFy doGgy and be happy! :) cheers to our friendship!!! *grins*
-------
sometimes i dread when my fears are coming true. i just pray, that i am thinking too much.
snapshots.
i'm such a photowhore of late.
not that i have a camera phone of course(will have to wait 2 more months for it).
i'm spamming everyone's camera phone with my very ugly face. hahahaha. and i loveeee it! so fun okkk.
but sorry if i made your phone spoilt cos' of the presence of my face. hee.
sighhh, to update yesterday. saw jun yang from poject superstar in school just as the few of us were leaving school. hahaha. ok la..he's quite cute, but im not crazy over him. many were mobbing around him though..a sight to behold indeed.
wonder why SA produce so many talents. hahahah. not bad not bad. :)
BAH. today was boring as usual. did not study finish superposition so i didn't go for the test. didn't want to end up sitting there in frustration and helplessness while i watch others complete their papers easily. sometimes i wonder if i really suffer from self-confidence problems..cos' everytime i can't seem to get the thought off my mind that others are simply better than me.
*shrugs*
i think if i can rid of that mentality, i can actually achieve and gain much more.
end of school activities was equally as boring. went to harbour with a couple of pple to eat. but ended up split up. whatever la.
then walked around. too sian. shoulder aching from bag. went home. stoned on the bus. died. walked home. died. here. going to die soon.
realised everyone me mugging like shit. scares me. especially hockey ppl..really scaring the hell out of me. cos' im way way far from mugging. REALLY mugging yet. to mug i really must forgo social activities. and i hate that. but what to do? i stupid ma, need to study longer than the rest.
yet here i am slacking my life away. guaranteeing myself just a "certificate of participation" for Alevels. BAH.
later have to write testimonial for myself. so wierd ok. i never written for myself before. last time always teacher help me write. i just had to sit back, shake leg and enjoy whatever comes to me.
realised how pampered and sheltered i was back in sec sch..suddenly i miss those days. things seemed so much easier back then.
why does the grass always seem greener at the other side of the pasture?
questions questions.
why am i so dumb?
answers?
anyone?
*pleads*
i gotta get a brainwash to rid of all the unwanted and unpleasant memories and thoughts in this useless brain of mind.
they always say the barrier of the mind is the greatest hurdle to overcome.
here, i'm trying to do just that.
yet it seems like i'm failing again and again.
someone, help me please. anyone...
on a more cheery note(i don't know considered not), i was quite surprised that my GP essay got one paragraph printed out by mr tan for some GP notes. hahahaha. the first Q. conservation of environment and the achieving global wealth one..so cool right? at first i didn't realise la. only when i read then i ehhhhhhh, LOOKS LIKE MINE LEHHH! hahahahaha.
well, something to be proud of! but hell, gp is such a fluctuating subject.
got the today in history book. got cut by one of the pages while i was fiddling with it on the way to harbour front.
kanasai.
bleed leh. then the surrounding skin inflamed like that. red red one. swollen somemore.
i hate paper cuts. so small, so seemingly insignificant, yet super painful.
it's raining.
did i mention i hate rainy days?
not that i have a camera phone of course(will have to wait 2 more months for it).
i'm spamming everyone's camera phone with my very ugly face. hahahaha. and i loveeee it! so fun okkk.
but sorry if i made your phone spoilt cos' of the presence of my face. hee.
sighhh, to update yesterday. saw jun yang from poject superstar in school just as the few of us were leaving school. hahaha. ok la..he's quite cute, but im not crazy over him. many were mobbing around him though..a sight to behold indeed.
wonder why SA produce so many talents. hahahah. not bad not bad. :)
BAH. today was boring as usual. did not study finish superposition so i didn't go for the test. didn't want to end up sitting there in frustration and helplessness while i watch others complete their papers easily. sometimes i wonder if i really suffer from self-confidence problems..cos' everytime i can't seem to get the thought off my mind that others are simply better than me.
*shrugs*
i think if i can rid of that mentality, i can actually achieve and gain much more.
end of school activities was equally as boring. went to harbour with a couple of pple to eat. but ended up split up. whatever la.
then walked around. too sian. shoulder aching from bag. went home. stoned on the bus. died. walked home. died. here. going to die soon.
realised everyone me mugging like shit. scares me. especially hockey ppl..really scaring the hell out of me. cos' im way way far from mugging. REALLY mugging yet. to mug i really must forgo social activities. and i hate that. but what to do? i stupid ma, need to study longer than the rest.
yet here i am slacking my life away. guaranteeing myself just a "certificate of participation" for Alevels. BAH.
later have to write testimonial for myself. so wierd ok. i never written for myself before. last time always teacher help me write. i just had to sit back, shake leg and enjoy whatever comes to me.
realised how pampered and sheltered i was back in sec sch..suddenly i miss those days. things seemed so much easier back then.
why does the grass always seem greener at the other side of the pasture?
questions questions.
why am i so dumb?
answers?
anyone?
*pleads*
i gotta get a brainwash to rid of all the unwanted and unpleasant memories and thoughts in this useless brain of mind.
they always say the barrier of the mind is the greatest hurdle to overcome.
here, i'm trying to do just that.
yet it seems like i'm failing again and again.
someone, help me please. anyone...
on a more cheery note(i don't know considered not), i was quite surprised that my GP essay got one paragraph printed out by mr tan for some GP notes. hahahaha. the first Q. conservation of environment and the achieving global wealth one..so cool right? at first i didn't realise la. only when i read then i ehhhhhhh, LOOKS LIKE MINE LEHHH! hahahahaha.
well, something to be proud of! but hell, gp is such a fluctuating subject.
got the today in history book. got cut by one of the pages while i was fiddling with it on the way to harbour front.
kanasai.
bleed leh. then the surrounding skin inflamed like that. red red one. swollen somemore.
i hate paper cuts. so small, so seemingly insignificant, yet super painful.
it's raining.
did i mention i hate rainy days?
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
raving mad woman.
yes, i tend to rave alot..to people who bother to listen of course.
my life is nothing but screwed up shit lately. so much problems happening both in school and at home im so fed up with life. so im whining, sue me la.
being the lousy ass bum, im here again, online and trying to blog out my woes. but the truth is i can never truly do so, because there are people reading my blog, and i do not want these people to read what im feeling.
different people have different points of views, different perspectives. we are entitled to our our views and opinions, so just let me write what i feel can??? without me having to guard all the shit i want to spew out of my mouth. stop condemning me and my words. for i do not condemn anyone.
what goes around comes around.
sometimes people only learn through mistakes. committing a mistake once or twice is fine, but sometimes too much is too much. there are times when forgiving is just not in my dictionary. you can come and go as you wish, so why can't i f*cking do the same thing to you?
fine, so in the end i did not leave though i wanted to. i was there when you needed me. and now, where the hell are you when i so f*cking desperately need you. WHERE???
pardon the expletives, for im in a very very unpleasant mood right now. you wouldn't want to offend me.
be it the stress from watching my classmates zoom ahead of me in EVERYTHING academics wise, or be it the laziness inside me that tempts me everything i try hard to study..it surprises me that i actually made it for the Os. pray to all Gods present on earth that they bless me i get through this damn high hurdle in one piece and emerge victorious.
let me cry tears of joy, not desperation.
im tearing down inside. can you see?
i keep assuring people around me everything's ok. but how well can things be when you see no light anywhere, anyhow?
life has become nothing but a mundane cycle for me. studying has lost its meaning. is it for the joy of learning? or simply to grasp all these knowledge to get questions right and score the maximum amounts of distinctions?
perhaps i am i loser afterall. giving up so easily where people are spurred on.
i gotta fight on.
each day i step into college with trudging feet, i see the countdown to prelims screaming out to me from the tv messaging system.
i gotta keep going. i'm almost there, yet not yet. so close, yet so far.
to enjoy after the huge exams, i gotta mug like shit first. then, i can enjoy the sweet savory after taste of my "fruits of labour"(which i obviously hope there are).
im supposed to be dieting. but i'm bingeing.
i forgot how to laugh and smile suddenly.
life seems so bleak to me, i'm lost.
for once, it seems like i have no one near that understands my situation. but yet there are only people who keep adding onto my frustrations and making me extremely upset with their comments.
i admit i'm dumb afterall. so what? dumb people have their pride ok.
screw it la.
if you even understand what i'm writing in this entry, good for you. if not, not like i care that you don't.
i'm sorry if i offended or hurt anyone in my recent mindless banters.
just leave me alone. i am a loner.
you don't care anyway.
this entire entry does not contain a single truth. except for the third sentence from this.
my life is nothing but screwed up shit lately. so much problems happening both in school and at home im so fed up with life. so im whining, sue me la.
being the lousy ass bum, im here again, online and trying to blog out my woes. but the truth is i can never truly do so, because there are people reading my blog, and i do not want these people to read what im feeling.
different people have different points of views, different perspectives. we are entitled to our our views and opinions, so just let me write what i feel can??? without me having to guard all the shit i want to spew out of my mouth. stop condemning me and my words. for i do not condemn anyone.
what goes around comes around.
sometimes people only learn through mistakes. committing a mistake once or twice is fine, but sometimes too much is too much. there are times when forgiving is just not in my dictionary. you can come and go as you wish, so why can't i f*cking do the same thing to you?
fine, so in the end i did not leave though i wanted to. i was there when you needed me. and now, where the hell are you when i so f*cking desperately need you. WHERE???
pardon the expletives, for im in a very very unpleasant mood right now. you wouldn't want to offend me.
be it the stress from watching my classmates zoom ahead of me in EVERYTHING academics wise, or be it the laziness inside me that tempts me everything i try hard to study..it surprises me that i actually made it for the Os. pray to all Gods present on earth that they bless me i get through this damn high hurdle in one piece and emerge victorious.
let me cry tears of joy, not desperation.
im tearing down inside. can you see?
i keep assuring people around me everything's ok. but how well can things be when you see no light anywhere, anyhow?
life has become nothing but a mundane cycle for me. studying has lost its meaning. is it for the joy of learning? or simply to grasp all these knowledge to get questions right and score the maximum amounts of distinctions?
perhaps i am i loser afterall. giving up so easily where people are spurred on.
i gotta fight on.
each day i step into college with trudging feet, i see the countdown to prelims screaming out to me from the tv messaging system.
i gotta keep going. i'm almost there, yet not yet. so close, yet so far.
to enjoy after the huge exams, i gotta mug like shit first. then, i can enjoy the sweet savory after taste of my "fruits of labour"(which i obviously hope there are).
im supposed to be dieting. but i'm bingeing.
i forgot how to laugh and smile suddenly.
life seems so bleak to me, i'm lost.
for once, it seems like i have no one near that understands my situation. but yet there are only people who keep adding onto my frustrations and making me extremely upset with their comments.
i admit i'm dumb afterall. so what? dumb people have their pride ok.
screw it la.
if you even understand what i'm writing in this entry, good for you. if not, not like i care that you don't.
i'm sorry if i offended or hurt anyone in my recent mindless banters.
just leave me alone. i am a loner.
you don't care anyway.
this entire entry does not contain a single truth. except for the third sentence from this.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
tuesday.
yes, if anyone paid attention, i did say i hate mondays and tuesdays. and yes, this entry is not gonna deny that. i still detest and dread the first two days of the week. bad attitude? whatever. like i need you to care.
assemblies are killing me slowly. it's ok when u get to tune out everything you don't want to listen to, and only pay attention to those really important ones. not that there were much announcements of that importance anyway. but my point is, sometimes i get so turned off simply by looking up at the balcony to see those same people up there. like hawks. staring, observing. do something wrong, that's it.
sometimes i just don't understand. but i guess it's better not to mention any names cos' you never know who(which you do not welcome) to come read your blog. yes, this world is full of spies. we are all spies in our own ways. we read blogs but yet do not leave comments. we read blogs of people we do not know, and we form impressions and comments about them. we read blogs of people we know, and our impressions or opinions about them change. yes, i agree it's the world wide web, yes i agree how slanderous things can get when spoken without much thought. rash actions can indeed ruin someone, and his/her future for life.
there is no strict censorship on the web, and so it's each and every blogger's responsibility to watch what we say(or write in this case), lest we insult or offend anyone.
you may say, so what? it's MY blog, i have MY rights to write what i want and do as i like. but think about it. it's YOUR blog i agree, but others have THEIR rights to sue you should they want to. we should not abuse human rights. each has his/her rights. so let's start respecting each other.
if you want to hurl abuses or insults at someone you dislike, do so intelligently. if not, do not write at all.
that's my advice of cos', for all the bloggers out there. i am no pro. i am no expert. but it's this process of blogging, that has taught me how to twist words and their meanings, to form subtle and yet not so subtle comments and opinions of things around me. language is beautiful. let's all learn to use it appropriately.
no one likes to read a offensive and abusive insult about himself/herself anywhere, anytime. would you? at least if he/her were to read, make sure that he/her does not know it's him/her you are commenting about. *winks*
language is beautiful.
but to be able to manipulate it, renders language even more beautiful than ever. :)
happy blogging! and my sympathies to those who got reprimanded by whoever in charge. though i do not side with either party, but i think people usually blog with intentions of writing what's true--at least to a certain degree. maybe there IS something wrong with whoever that person/object/event/issue they are discussing(although with excessive colourful language). yup, that's just my point of view la.
--------
on a lighter note, i shall blog about the OTHER events that happened today. nothing much though.
except that i caught The Flu. again. yes, i am extremely supceptible to this irritating bug hovering around in the air. sucks totally.
i think it's an extremely destructive illness. renders you almost completely hopeless and helpless. you can't do anything to stop it at once. you can't do anything to cure it at once. you kill trees in the process. you waste water(if you choose this "medium" to clear of your..gooey substances). you cannot concentrate and do work with your fullest potential because you are tearing or sneezing 3/4 the time you are awake. your lungs are aching like hell because every sneeze vibrates them like a 9.0 amplitude earthquake on the ritcher scale. you feel like dying cos' it's either you can't a)stop sneezing b)stop sniffing c)stop your running nose d)stop blowing your nose d)stop clearing your throat e)stop feeling like sleeping.
aiya, in short, it just tears me apart, breaks me down as the day progresses.
lousy day. skipped another lecture. but if i didn't have The Flu, i probably would have went. felt like resting at home la.
that's it. i think i'm losing certain friends i care about alot. it's terrible, this feeling is terrible. i do hope one day she'll come tell me everything is the same as the past, everything is ok, everything between us is ok. do you know how much you mean to me? i guess you don't. *heaves a huge sigh*
hurts me everytime i think about it. resorted to NOT thinking about it to reduce the hurt i'm feeling inside. just hope one day you come comfort me, and reassure me everything is ok afterall.
just a out-of-nowhere thought: would you neglect your friends once you have a bf/gf? would you tend to hang out/rely on him/her more. would you rather forgo outings with your friends just to accompany him/her anywhere? would you rather talk to him/her than talk to your other friends?
i don't know la. personally i detest people who become like that after entering a relatonship. not that i'm of anyone to judge them, but it certainly brings me to think of what his/her definition of friendship is based on. a friend is only important when you have nothing else to do/no one else with you?
i cannot say i am not one of those people before. but because it's how u felt after being treated like that when your friends around you start behaving like taht before you come to realise how...undescribable that feeling is.
we always complain when our attached friends are spending so much time apart from us, and yet when WE are the ones attached, don't we do the same thing?
just a note to myself: friends are there for life. your fairer/tanner partner may come and go. so start treasuring your friends around you now, before one day you lose your "constant" companion, and then start to realise, that your friends don't care that much of your well-being anymore. no one likes being taken for granted. no one likes being a "spare tyre".
syafy has a new phone. so nice la. darn, i want a new phone so much. a phone i really like. but guess it's 2 more months or so before my dream comes true! =(
gotta fulfil another dream in the meantime.
STOP SLACKING JIELIN! START MUGGING!!! LOOK AT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU! THEY ARE STUDYING SO HARD. AND THEY ARE SMART!!! YOU ARE STUPID, AND YOU ARE STILL SLACKING. C'MON, WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!!!!
*slaps myself*
i was just thinking perhaps i can be a nurse. seems like a really fulfiling job. :) well, at least that's my "back-up plan" should i be rejected from university. sighhhh. it's good to have a back-up sometimes. don't wanna end up seeing myself stand at the highest floor of the tallest building in singapore(or anywhere else) and jumping down to my death.
sometimes suicide can be so tempting. seemingly an escape from all troubles. but fear not my friends, i am not(ok, some of you may be disappointed) going to commit suicide like that. quite a loser action. only will do it when im seriously desperate la.
realised so many people random-ing their entries. don't dare to hao lian issit started by me. hahahaha. but nvm la, i don't think it is. i'm not that great. :P
well, gotta change my style then. i'm constantly in search for a style i'm comfortable with, while trying to minimise the use of vulgarities. cos' i believe civilised people can insult intelligently without the usage of vulgarities. HAHAHAHAAH. except the part that i'm not-so-intelligent la. :D
no la, someone once told me it's such a huge turn off to watch and listen to someone whose vocabulary is limited to such language. it's saddening infact. imagine going to interview..and being a frank and open-minded speaker most of us are, words can KNN, KNS, TMD, WTF, WTH etc etc may just spill out of our own lips even if we really had no intentions of doing so.
it goes the same with every day conversations. people who speak well are naturally confident of themselves and with a strong grasp of the language, we can switch in between being vulgar(when certain occasions call for it :D) and being civilsed and polite. that's what i call versatility.
now, that's quite a bit for an entry. shall end here. gonna check the dictionary for another word to replace RANDOM.
it's so used around here it kinda frustrates me.
assemblies are killing me slowly. it's ok when u get to tune out everything you don't want to listen to, and only pay attention to those really important ones. not that there were much announcements of that importance anyway. but my point is, sometimes i get so turned off simply by looking up at the balcony to see those same people up there. like hawks. staring, observing. do something wrong, that's it.
sometimes i just don't understand. but i guess it's better not to mention any names cos' you never know who(which you do not welcome) to come read your blog. yes, this world is full of spies. we are all spies in our own ways. we read blogs but yet do not leave comments. we read blogs of people we do not know, and we form impressions and comments about them. we read blogs of people we know, and our impressions or opinions about them change. yes, i agree it's the world wide web, yes i agree how slanderous things can get when spoken without much thought. rash actions can indeed ruin someone, and his/her future for life.
there is no strict censorship on the web, and so it's each and every blogger's responsibility to watch what we say(or write in this case), lest we insult or offend anyone.
you may say, so what? it's MY blog, i have MY rights to write what i want and do as i like. but think about it. it's YOUR blog i agree, but others have THEIR rights to sue you should they want to. we should not abuse human rights. each has his/her rights. so let's start respecting each other.
if you want to hurl abuses or insults at someone you dislike, do so intelligently. if not, do not write at all.
that's my advice of cos', for all the bloggers out there. i am no pro. i am no expert. but it's this process of blogging, that has taught me how to twist words and their meanings, to form subtle and yet not so subtle comments and opinions of things around me. language is beautiful. let's all learn to use it appropriately.
no one likes to read a offensive and abusive insult about himself/herself anywhere, anytime. would you? at least if he/her were to read, make sure that he/her does not know it's him/her you are commenting about. *winks*
language is beautiful.
but to be able to manipulate it, renders language even more beautiful than ever. :)
happy blogging! and my sympathies to those who got reprimanded by whoever in charge. though i do not side with either party, but i think people usually blog with intentions of writing what's true--at least to a certain degree. maybe there IS something wrong with whoever that person/object/event/issue they are discussing(although with excessive colourful language). yup, that's just my point of view la.
--------
on a lighter note, i shall blog about the OTHER events that happened today. nothing much though.
except that i caught The Flu. again. yes, i am extremely supceptible to this irritating bug hovering around in the air. sucks totally.
i think it's an extremely destructive illness. renders you almost completely hopeless and helpless. you can't do anything to stop it at once. you can't do anything to cure it at once. you kill trees in the process. you waste water(if you choose this "medium" to clear of your..gooey substances). you cannot concentrate and do work with your fullest potential because you are tearing or sneezing 3/4 the time you are awake. your lungs are aching like hell because every sneeze vibrates them like a 9.0 amplitude earthquake on the ritcher scale. you feel like dying cos' it's either you can't a)stop sneezing b)stop sniffing c)stop your running nose d)stop blowing your nose d)stop clearing your throat e)stop feeling like sleeping.
aiya, in short, it just tears me apart, breaks me down as the day progresses.
lousy day. skipped another lecture. but if i didn't have The Flu, i probably would have went. felt like resting at home la.
that's it. i think i'm losing certain friends i care about alot. it's terrible, this feeling is terrible. i do hope one day she'll come tell me everything is the same as the past, everything is ok, everything between us is ok. do you know how much you mean to me? i guess you don't. *heaves a huge sigh*
hurts me everytime i think about it. resorted to NOT thinking about it to reduce the hurt i'm feeling inside. just hope one day you come comfort me, and reassure me everything is ok afterall.
just a out-of-nowhere thought: would you neglect your friends once you have a bf/gf? would you tend to hang out/rely on him/her more. would you rather forgo outings with your friends just to accompany him/her anywhere? would you rather talk to him/her than talk to your other friends?
i don't know la. personally i detest people who become like that after entering a relatonship. not that i'm of anyone to judge them, but it certainly brings me to think of what his/her definition of friendship is based on. a friend is only important when you have nothing else to do/no one else with you?
i cannot say i am not one of those people before. but because it's how u felt after being treated like that when your friends around you start behaving like taht before you come to realise how...undescribable that feeling is.
we always complain when our attached friends are spending so much time apart from us, and yet when WE are the ones attached, don't we do the same thing?
just a note to myself: friends are there for life. your fairer/tanner partner may come and go. so start treasuring your friends around you now, before one day you lose your "constant" companion, and then start to realise, that your friends don't care that much of your well-being anymore. no one likes being taken for granted. no one likes being a "spare tyre".
syafy has a new phone. so nice la. darn, i want a new phone so much. a phone i really like. but guess it's 2 more months or so before my dream comes true! =(
gotta fulfil another dream in the meantime.
STOP SLACKING JIELIN! START MUGGING!!! LOOK AT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU! THEY ARE STUDYING SO HARD. AND THEY ARE SMART!!! YOU ARE STUPID, AND YOU ARE STILL SLACKING. C'MON, WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!!!!
*slaps myself*
i was just thinking perhaps i can be a nurse. seems like a really fulfiling job. :) well, at least that's my "back-up plan" should i be rejected from university. sighhhh. it's good to have a back-up sometimes. don't wanna end up seeing myself stand at the highest floor of the tallest building in singapore(or anywhere else) and jumping down to my death.
sometimes suicide can be so tempting. seemingly an escape from all troubles. but fear not my friends, i am not(ok, some of you may be disappointed) going to commit suicide like that. quite a loser action. only will do it when im seriously desperate la.
realised so many people random-ing their entries. don't dare to hao lian issit started by me. hahahaha. but nvm la, i don't think it is. i'm not that great. :P
well, gotta change my style then. i'm constantly in search for a style i'm comfortable with, while trying to minimise the use of vulgarities. cos' i believe civilised people can insult intelligently without the usage of vulgarities. HAHAHAHAAH. except the part that i'm not-so-intelligent la. :D
no la, someone once told me it's such a huge turn off to watch and listen to someone whose vocabulary is limited to such language. it's saddening infact. imagine going to interview..and being a frank and open-minded speaker most of us are, words can KNN, KNS, TMD, WTF, WTH etc etc may just spill out of our own lips even if we really had no intentions of doing so.
it goes the same with every day conversations. people who speak well are naturally confident of themselves and with a strong grasp of the language, we can switch in between being vulgar(when certain occasions call for it :D) and being civilsed and polite. that's what i call versatility.
now, that's quite a bit for an entry. shall end here. gonna check the dictionary for another word to replace RANDOM.
it's so used around here it kinda frustrates me.
Monday, August 15, 2005
so random. :)
another very unproductive day sped past. skipped most lessons. i think i should at least feel abit guilty. on the other hand, i just couldn't be bothered for today. mondays and tuesdays are terrible. longest days of the week. but thank god tuesdays are shorter without the PE. sighhh.
do you believe that an over-dosage of anything/something can actually make you feel sick and tired of it? something that you used to love doing, something that u had an interest in..might just be gone forever?
well, it's true. im starting to get sick and tired of economics. and that's terrible. cos' it's supposed to be my best subject and also a subject im interested in. i think everyone can tell from the sliding grades im getting from econs..don't think i can maintain..perhaps i peaked too early..jumping 2 grades each exam..now, falling 4 grades PER exam. woahs. hahahahah.
sigh. that's shit totally. i think i might just take up arts and social science in university(should i be able to get into my dream uni and take either my dream course or this)..i think some unis even offer double degrees? sighhh. but i get past this first la.
im such a fickle person. easily distracted. easily bored. nothing can sustain my interest for long. fortunate or unfortunate i have no idea..but i havef a feeling it'll be a unfortunate thing for now.
talked to gail today while waiting for yun ma to dicuss her "NAPFA" stuff with mr khoo. yea, i'm raelly grateful for all that encouragement and stuff..i'll try my best. but somehow i cant seem to put words into actions. i've gotta be the most contradictory person ever. where's my motivation? where's my drive? where's my determination? all gone after Os.
like shit, totally.
was doodling about during GP where a teacher sat in to observe(don't know us or mr tan). but i was trying my best to be active and answer questions. BUT, i was really quite bored la. looked around for colour pens to draw. ended up with some lame drawings.
a totally innocent looking GP note.
on a closer look..ahhh, that's the vampire Jielin. but of cos' lacking that degree of cuteness. wanted to draw specs but seo was violently objecting..said "draw already not cute!!!". had to liquid away the half-done specs frame. HAHAHAHAHA.
ermm..J.E.Z in cartoon form!!! hahahaha. impulse drawing totally. i drew myself first. i turned out ghastly. so i looked for other things to keep me occupied. then i saw the two other idiots lazing and cheeky-ing around in class. so i thought i might as well try to draw them.
erm..yes, marshy turned out quite terrible. seriously i never intended you to look like that!!! :P ahahaha. but at least the stupid smile is there. :D
gene turned out..relatively passable. ahahaha.
i think my drawings are getting more bad to worse. can't believe i last time draw comics and real life art. BAH. my drawing got published by "xing qi wu zhou bao" before ok!!! hahaha..btw, it's some chinese language kids newspaper that is supposedly interactive and learning-tool.
im so dead really. i look around me, and i see people with their head bowed down studying intensely.
ah yes, my head does bow down too. but i'm sleeping.
see the difference? it's sad really. pathetic even. loser to the extent.
i gotta pull myself out of this shit-ass situation. just gonna keep wasting myself(or what's left of myself anyway).
scars by papa roach is like damn nice.
hahahahaa. papa roach. sounds like a father cockraoch. :)
proceeded to name syaf "syafy doggy!" hahahahaha. inside joke. :P btw if you're reading this... SIT!!! FETCH!!!
ok la, i shall be nice to syaf.
:) i'm a nice girl right syafy?
i'm not going to prom. not that anyone cares anyway. well ya, i don't think anyone would la. nevermind. gotta find some entertainment on that day. :) think i can save alot money also. just don't feel good spending som uch of my parents' money. esp. when im already planning to make them poorer by about 500 bucks for my new phone at eoy. :D
that ass of a zihao went offline and never came back. hmpffff.
probably roasting marshmellows. HAHAHAHA :P or reading econs, that pro! (gonna dedicate entry on you one day, with your VERY intelligent quotes and "very good zihao!" comments by a certain someone! :P)
aiya, he's probably roasting GP essays la..jiayou!!! :P
do you believe that an over-dosage of anything/something can actually make you feel sick and tired of it? something that you used to love doing, something that u had an interest in..might just be gone forever?
well, it's true. im starting to get sick and tired of economics. and that's terrible. cos' it's supposed to be my best subject and also a subject im interested in. i think everyone can tell from the sliding grades im getting from econs..don't think i can maintain..perhaps i peaked too early..jumping 2 grades each exam..now, falling 4 grades PER exam. woahs. hahahahah.
sigh. that's shit totally. i think i might just take up arts and social science in university(should i be able to get into my dream uni and take either my dream course or this)..i think some unis even offer double degrees? sighhh. but i get past this first la.
im such a fickle person. easily distracted. easily bored. nothing can sustain my interest for long. fortunate or unfortunate i have no idea..but i havef a feeling it'll be a unfortunate thing for now.
talked to gail today while waiting for yun ma to dicuss her "NAPFA" stuff with mr khoo. yea, i'm raelly grateful for all that encouragement and stuff..i'll try my best. but somehow i cant seem to put words into actions. i've gotta be the most contradictory person ever. where's my motivation? where's my drive? where's my determination? all gone after Os.
like shit, totally.
was doodling about during GP where a teacher sat in to observe(don't know us or mr tan). but i was trying my best to be active and answer questions. BUT, i was really quite bored la. looked around for colour pens to draw. ended up with some lame drawings.
a totally innocent looking GP note.
on a closer look..ahhh, that's the vampire Jielin. but of cos' lacking that degree of cuteness. wanted to draw specs but seo was violently objecting..said "draw already not cute!!!". had to liquid away the half-done specs frame. HAHAHAHAHA.
ermm..J.E.Z in cartoon form!!! hahahaha. impulse drawing totally. i drew myself first. i turned out ghastly. so i looked for other things to keep me occupied. then i saw the two other idiots lazing and cheeky-ing around in class. so i thought i might as well try to draw them.
erm..yes, marshy turned out quite terrible. seriously i never intended you to look like that!!! :P ahahaha. but at least the stupid smile is there. :D
gene turned out..relatively passable. ahahaha.
i think my drawings are getting more bad to worse. can't believe i last time draw comics and real life art. BAH. my drawing got published by "xing qi wu zhou bao" before ok!!! hahaha..btw, it's some chinese language kids newspaper that is supposedly interactive and learning-tool.
im so dead really. i look around me, and i see people with their head bowed down studying intensely.
ah yes, my head does bow down too. but i'm sleeping.
see the difference? it's sad really. pathetic even. loser to the extent.
i gotta pull myself out of this shit-ass situation. just gonna keep wasting myself(or what's left of myself anyway).
scars by papa roach is like damn nice.
hahahahaa. papa roach. sounds like a father cockraoch. :)
proceeded to name syaf "syafy doggy!" hahahahaha. inside joke. :P btw if you're reading this... SIT!!! FETCH!!!
ok la, i shall be nice to syaf.
:) i'm a nice girl right syafy?
i'm not going to prom. not that anyone cares anyway. well ya, i don't think anyone would la. nevermind. gotta find some entertainment on that day. :) think i can save alot money also. just don't feel good spending som uch of my parents' money. esp. when im already planning to make them poorer by about 500 bucks for my new phone at eoy. :D
that ass of a zihao went offline and never came back. hmpffff.
probably roasting marshmellows. HAHAHAHA :P or reading econs, that pro! (gonna dedicate entry on you one day, with your VERY intelligent quotes and "very good zihao!" comments by a certain someone! :P)
aiya, he's probably roasting GP essays la..jiayou!!! :P
Sunday, August 14, 2005
went for dinner at The Lemon Grass Thai Restaurant at Pasir Panjang. i didn't even know there was an outlet there. quite cool la. service really FAST. as in REALLY REALLY fast compared to heerens where we usually have to wait for 15 mins before someone sees your waving(and very tired) hand and comes over to entertain your request.
the people there very friendly also. very efficient. very attentive. glass of water less than half full, they come buzzing over to refill. had to say "thank-yous" countless times.
/passive note:
i think waiters are humans too. DO NOT click your fingers to get their attention. DO NOT clap your hands to get their attention. DO NOT cluck your tongue to get their attetion.
they are NOT dogs or whatever animals that listens at your beck and call. please treat them as if they are humans. cos they ARE humans. no one likes to be treated like animals. thank you.
and oh, the food really looks bad here. the lighting so doesn't do the food justice!! BAH. hahahah. but neverminds. enjoy!
the lemon grass restaurant at pasir panjang which i never knew of. well, there is always a first time. :)
i loved the lighting, despite the bad photographs. The Sister thought the lighting was "so normal la".
i love green veggies. little kids should eat more veggies.
claypot tofu..
the tom yum soup. brought me to heaven. :D
sweet and sour prawns.
these veggies look realy pale under my camera's flash. :(
now you see it...now you don't! by the way those round things are actually ONIONS. my idiotic father thought it was SCALLOPS and attempted to eat them before my sister stopped him in time. eWwww.
empty too. we are very very hungry people.
no wonder they say the chinese always eat very fast.
The Extremely Greedy Dad.
they say The Sister and The Mother look alike. i beg to differ.
way unglam. caught off guard by The Siter. i look like i'm staring daggers at the waiter who is clearing the plates. but i'm not!!! i'm a nice and friendly girl, really! :P
is the lighting really bad or is it me? damn, i look like a chipmunk. a very un-cute one.
the beauty that shuns the shutters.
the high-class tissues.
"wahhhh, very high class leh, give us wipe our hands and mouths after meals! other outlets don't have one.."
"ya, service very good."-picks up on to wipe her mouth delicately like a very high class person.
-blows my nose with the tissues-
-The Sister cannot could not stop laughing for at least one minute.-
what. very funny meh? tissues is used to do this one ma. :X
/diversion.
i just told marshy i'm gonna be A Glam Vampire. i wonder how. hahahaha. but yes, i am Glam ok! (<--see white aS*! i AM Glam. apart from the red lips incident. :X shhhh)
the people there very friendly also. very efficient. very attentive. glass of water less than half full, they come buzzing over to refill. had to say "thank-yous" countless times.
/passive note:
i think waiters are humans too. DO NOT click your fingers to get their attention. DO NOT clap your hands to get their attention. DO NOT cluck your tongue to get their attetion.
they are NOT dogs or whatever animals that listens at your beck and call. please treat them as if they are humans. cos they ARE humans. no one likes to be treated like animals. thank you.
and oh, the food really looks bad here. the lighting so doesn't do the food justice!! BAH. hahahah. but neverminds. enjoy!
the lemon grass restaurant at pasir panjang which i never knew of. well, there is always a first time. :)
i loved the lighting, despite the bad photographs. The Sister thought the lighting was "so normal la".
i love green veggies. little kids should eat more veggies.
claypot tofu..
the tom yum soup. brought me to heaven. :D
sweet and sour prawns.
these veggies look realy pale under my camera's flash. :(
now you see it...now you don't! by the way those round things are actually ONIONS. my idiotic father thought it was SCALLOPS and attempted to eat them before my sister stopped him in time. eWwww.
empty too. we are very very hungry people.
no wonder they say the chinese always eat very fast.
The Extremely Greedy Dad.
they say The Sister and The Mother look alike. i beg to differ.
way unglam. caught off guard by The Siter. i look like i'm staring daggers at the waiter who is clearing the plates. but i'm not!!! i'm a nice and friendly girl, really! :P
is the lighting really bad or is it me? damn, i look like a chipmunk. a very un-cute one.
the beauty that shuns the shutters.
the high-class tissues.
"wahhhh, very high class leh, give us wipe our hands and mouths after meals! other outlets don't have one.."
"ya, service very good."-picks up on to wipe her mouth delicately like a very high class person.
-blows my nose with the tissues-
-The Sister cannot could not stop laughing for at least one minute.-
what. very funny meh? tissues is used to do this one ma. :X
/diversion.
i just told marshy i'm gonna be A Glam Vampire. i wonder how. hahahaha. but yes, i am Glam ok! (<--see white aS*! i AM Glam. apart from the red lips incident. :X shhhh)
you and me.
you and me.
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you
Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of
You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
-lifehouse.
oh god, this song is freaking nice. amongst many other songs of course. hahaha. damn, i think songs therapy is so my thing. :D
staring at the sun.
Daylight on my shoulder
Makes me feel alive
You kept me standing in your shadow
And it’s a cold cold place to hide
I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah
I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I know you won’t let me
But just turn and walk away
I’m tired of when you kick me around
Trying to kill my dreams and break me down
But I won’t hang around
I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah
I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I was staring at the sun
Daylight on my shoulder
I know its time to run
Yes I know its time to run
I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe (stealing every breath I breathe)
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
Yeah, yeah staring at the sun
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
-rooster
there is a reason why i hyperventilate everytime i listen to the songs in my shuffle. :P no matter how random, it's so comforting and high to listen to the songs you love. ahhh, the simple pleasures.
the random pleasures. :)
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you
Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of
You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
-lifehouse.
oh god, this song is freaking nice. amongst many other songs of course. hahaha. damn, i think songs therapy is so my thing. :D
staring at the sun.
Daylight on my shoulder
Makes me feel alive
You kept me standing in your shadow
And it’s a cold cold place to hide
I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah
I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I know you won’t let me
But just turn and walk away
I’m tired of when you kick me around
Trying to kill my dreams and break me down
But I won’t hang around
I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah
I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I was staring at the sun
Daylight on my shoulder
I know its time to run
Yes I know its time to run
I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe (stealing every breath I breathe)
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
Yeah, yeah staring at the sun
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
-rooster
there is a reason why i hyperventilate everytime i listen to the songs in my shuffle. :P no matter how random, it's so comforting and high to listen to the songs you love. ahhh, the simple pleasures.
the random pleasures. :)
Saturday, August 13, 2005
bleahs.
double bleah. super unproductive.
studying at the table blew me to lala land. i K.O-ed on my bed. awoke only when the national day encore telecast was about to end.
slacked around and watched tons of tv. STILL watching tv. and im online.
i don't know how long this will continue, before i start to regret my stupid actions, and by then, regretting would be futile.
all these shitty philosophical stuff i know, and yet i refuse to put my words into actions.
lousy rotten, totally.
i think xiao an from zhen qing is damn cute. not that i am into the series itself, but i just find him attractive everytime my mother tunes in to the show.
hahahahahaha.
"xiao an is damn cute lehhhh! but hor, i think he's cute only in HK tv shows la, in Singapore shows he not as cute liao"-my younger niece during cny gossiping with the aunts.
"Singapore got very shuai actors meh?"-the aunt.
HAHAHAHAHA. darn. they are the loudest and yet cheeriest(don't think there is such a word) bunch of people. this is why i love my boisterous father's side relatives so much more than my mother's tame and quiet side. :D
can't believe all those lame jokes they were telling on national day gathering. BAH. really cold-can-go-arctic-lamer-than-zihao's-jokes-kind. marshy, you should meet them one day, i think you'll get along VERY well with them. HAHAHAHA.
speaking of haoz, i was reading his blog. suddenly made me think of sec sch national day celebrations. sighhh. was good la, those days. miss all that fun man. he is right. i felt proud to be a Singaporean everytime celebrations ended. i'll be singing national day songs with so much gusto like a kindergarten kid. i felt proud of Singapore and its achievements abeit it's puny size.
ahhh. found a picture taken during sec sch national day celebration! with some of my best buddies. missing pear though!
/damn blogspot who can't even upload one freaking picture. stupid stupid technology.
darn, i just miss those good old days.
i can't wait for all these shit to end.
yet, it hasn't even started.
i haven't even started.
i know i can do this if i try harder.
i'm not even trying.
i'm a walking disappointment.
studying at the table blew me to lala land. i K.O-ed on my bed. awoke only when the national day encore telecast was about to end.
slacked around and watched tons of tv. STILL watching tv. and im online.
i don't know how long this will continue, before i start to regret my stupid actions, and by then, regretting would be futile.
all these shitty philosophical stuff i know, and yet i refuse to put my words into actions.
lousy rotten, totally.
i think xiao an from zhen qing is damn cute. not that i am into the series itself, but i just find him attractive everytime my mother tunes in to the show.
hahahahahaha.
"xiao an is damn cute lehhhh! but hor, i think he's cute only in HK tv shows la, in Singapore shows he not as cute liao"-my younger niece during cny gossiping with the aunts.
"Singapore got very shuai actors meh?"-the aunt.
HAHAHAHAHA. darn. they are the loudest and yet cheeriest(don't think there is such a word) bunch of people. this is why i love my boisterous father's side relatives so much more than my mother's tame and quiet side. :D
can't believe all those lame jokes they were telling on national day gathering. BAH. really cold-can-go-arctic-lamer-than-zihao's-jokes-kind. marshy, you should meet them one day, i think you'll get along VERY well with them. HAHAHAHA.
speaking of haoz, i was reading his blog. suddenly made me think of sec sch national day celebrations. sighhh. was good la, those days. miss all that fun man. he is right. i felt proud to be a Singaporean everytime celebrations ended. i'll be singing national day songs with so much gusto like a kindergarten kid. i felt proud of Singapore and its achievements abeit it's puny size.
ahhh. found a picture taken during sec sch national day celebration! with some of my best buddies. missing pear though!
/damn blogspot who can't even upload one freaking picture. stupid stupid technology.
darn, i just miss those good old days.
i can't wait for all these shit to end.
yet, it hasn't even started.
i haven't even started.
i know i can do this if i try harder.
i'm not even trying.
i'm a walking disappointment.
Friday, August 12, 2005
retail therapy.
retail therapy is good, when you have the financial means of course. (which i don't)
but i splurged $10 on earrings today. 3 pairs to be exact. hahahaha. i never spent so much on earrings before ok. darn. i better wear them sometime, if not it'll be just another accessory "i-bought-but-never-wear" in my closet.
no wonder my parents always complain my stuff are cluttered around the house, making it look so unkempt. like whatever can??! i try my best already. but this is how i like my things to be. so evict me la. BAH.
i feel like im having PMS. but ont literally. just the signs and symptoms. so irritating. i hate it when i hate almost everything around me for nothing. feel so unreasonable and terrorising. grrrr. so don't offend me tonight.
must be the stress. and not doing anything about it..so dead so dead.
feeling so pissed with my mother. seriously sometimes i develop violent tendencies being with her. she nags so much i have this urge to
a) slap her(to hell with respect, i have none for her sad to say)
b) staple up her mouth/scotch-tape her mouth/stuff her mouth up with alot shit.
c) ignore her/tune her out/go into room and slam door.
d) attitude.
e) leave the house and never come back, if not for so much stuff at home that belongs to ME.
f) kill myself.
g) or i can kill her.
yes. i know very violent and very sick in the mind. sometimes i think im imbalanced psychologically. and im worried. but i think only SHE can make me feel this way. no words can describe how i feel about her. i think i've never met any mother like her(you can infer positively or negatively for yourself).
sometimes im just so envious of other mothers of my friends around me. envious how wonderful their mothers are. how envious, that these mothers are not mine.
i know comparing is wrong. but i cant help it. comparison takes place ever single second in out lives. admit it la.
i feel REALLY REALLY like an emotional wreck now. so loser.
gotta end now. bye.
but i splurged $10 on earrings today. 3 pairs to be exact. hahahaha. i never spent so much on earrings before ok. darn. i better wear them sometime, if not it'll be just another accessory "i-bought-but-never-wear" in my closet.
no wonder my parents always complain my stuff are cluttered around the house, making it look so unkempt. like whatever can??! i try my best already. but this is how i like my things to be. so evict me la. BAH.
i feel like im having PMS. but ont literally. just the signs and symptoms. so irritating. i hate it when i hate almost everything around me for nothing. feel so unreasonable and terrorising. grrrr. so don't offend me tonight.
must be the stress. and not doing anything about it..so dead so dead.
feeling so pissed with my mother. seriously sometimes i develop violent tendencies being with her. she nags so much i have this urge to
a) slap her(to hell with respect, i have none for her sad to say)
b) staple up her mouth/scotch-tape her mouth/stuff her mouth up with alot shit.
c) ignore her/tune her out/go into room and slam door.
d) attitude.
e) leave the house and never come back, if not for so much stuff at home that belongs to ME.
f) kill myself.
g) or i can kill her.
yes. i know very violent and very sick in the mind. sometimes i think im imbalanced psychologically. and im worried. but i think only SHE can make me feel this way. no words can describe how i feel about her. i think i've never met any mother like her(you can infer positively or negatively for yourself).
sometimes im just so envious of other mothers of my friends around me. envious how wonderful their mothers are. how envious, that these mothers are not mine.
i know comparing is wrong. but i cant help it. comparison takes place ever single second in out lives. admit it la.
i feel REALLY REALLY like an emotional wreck now. so loser.
gotta end now. bye.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
yeah.
actually got more pics to upload into the blog. but it was taking so freaking long i got tired and went to bed. so sorry la. but at least it's in my lappy, hopefully don't crash or whatever shit la.
stupid net. i couldn't even sign into msn for like a hundred years. i kept trying and trying and trying. i think my net has gone bonkers. PMS la. gRrrrr. in the end i had to reinstall my msn and try again. but it still took damn long and i was on the verge of restarting my com for the THIRD time. BAH. i feel violent already.
sometimes technology seems to be able to bring out the worst side in me. when my lappy shuts down FOR NO REASON. when the internet doesnt seem to be working AT ALL. when the washing machine broke down and i had to HAND-WASH my own uniform for a few days. when my handphone AUTO SHUT DOWN and AUTO RESTARTED on its own. when the light bulb blew. when the shower head refuses to work. so many things can get me pissed. so easily pissed. yet so easily appeased all the same.
sighhh. speaking of technology. i just broke my heart. i DROPPED MY SHUFFLE. oh man. im like damn damn freaking upset can. NOW GOT DENT ALREADY! :( im traumatised. syaf witnessed everything. it happened at the bus stop outside school la. sighhhh. damn sad. DENT LA!! grrrr.
they say beauty is imperfect. so maybe this makes my shuffle even more beautiful? hahahahaha.
winnie was commenting that my sister is really pretty. ok, seriously, i wasn't surprised la. c'mon, i think it's a really common comment nowadays. or maybe let's just say since i was BORN can? *shrugs* it's life la. sometimes it sucks to have a sister that is so much more gd looking than you are. it seems like the only comment relatives make to you is "you've grown up!", while they pour praises and compliments about how good my sister looks.
hey, im human too ok. i do get hurt sometimes. i mean, i know you can't compare two different people with different styles and looks and features. but i do detest my sister sometimes for looking so good, while i like..average? yea, it does gets on my nerves when my relatives start spewing on comments. it does hurt me sometimes. but over the years, it seems like i've grown numbed to it. i mean, i hear it every cny and every other gathering can???
and besides, relatives aren't the only one. friends have come asking me why my sister look so good, hardly even resemble me. yea. subtle hints here and there. I DO GET IT LA, THANKS ALOT. *stares*
looks ain't everything i guess. as long as i'm pretty happy about the way i am now, it doesn't hurt as much. so, hey, continue giving your comments, im seriously non-suicidal about it! :) i admit my sister is way prettier than me..hahaha. but i still love her all the same.
and it helps that she knows what i love. what clothes i like. what im comfortable with. cos' i never experiment much with dressing. i don't even know what's my style. bascially i don't really care. presentable can already. over-dress is the most awkward moments in my life. luckily it happened less than 2 times. phew.
i seem to be gaining more. must stop eating when im not hungry already. can save money somemore. sighhhh.
i haven't watched charlie and the chocolate factory. i feel so sua ku. so sad. i want to watch!!!! grrr.
study study study. today not productive. macs too noisy and distracting. i kept falling aslp. too cold cannot think.
excuses? as usual.
ahhh, before i forget, the most recent picture of J.E.Z! :) hahaha, my love totally. serious! i mean it!!
i mean, they are like the fewest and rarest of the male buddies ever. the besties definitely plus guarantee chop!!! :)
i love you guys! no matter what..(: *GROUP HUG!!!*
hahahah, eh, but we never group hug before la. you know sometimes i think being good friends don't mean you have to be there EVERY SINGLE SECOND. it's like im not around with bishi every second, yet i love her company and our easy friendship everytime we get together. not many people have this connection with me..i thank god truly for all these treasures i possess now..and till forever i hope..(:
the pic is ok laaa..everyone really changed. and it's for the better! hahaha, though i really hate my fringe now..and i still look terrible in photos(and in real person). :)
but you know, sometimes what you SEE in the photo is nothing much. what you FEEL for the people in the photo is more important. :)
J.E.Z--FULL ATTENDANCE!!! :D
stupid net. i couldn't even sign into msn for like a hundred years. i kept trying and trying and trying. i think my net has gone bonkers. PMS la. gRrrrr. in the end i had to reinstall my msn and try again. but it still took damn long and i was on the verge of restarting my com for the THIRD time. BAH. i feel violent already.
sometimes technology seems to be able to bring out the worst side in me. when my lappy shuts down FOR NO REASON. when the internet doesnt seem to be working AT ALL. when the washing machine broke down and i had to HAND-WASH my own uniform for a few days. when my handphone AUTO SHUT DOWN and AUTO RESTARTED on its own. when the light bulb blew. when the shower head refuses to work. so many things can get me pissed. so easily pissed. yet so easily appeased all the same.
sighhh. speaking of technology. i just broke my heart. i DROPPED MY SHUFFLE. oh man. im like damn damn freaking upset can. NOW GOT DENT ALREADY! :( im traumatised. syaf witnessed everything. it happened at the bus stop outside school la. sighhhh. damn sad. DENT LA!! grrrr.
they say beauty is imperfect. so maybe this makes my shuffle even more beautiful? hahahahaha.
winnie was commenting that my sister is really pretty. ok, seriously, i wasn't surprised la. c'mon, i think it's a really common comment nowadays. or maybe let's just say since i was BORN can? *shrugs* it's life la. sometimes it sucks to have a sister that is so much more gd looking than you are. it seems like the only comment relatives make to you is "you've grown up!", while they pour praises and compliments about how good my sister looks.
hey, im human too ok. i do get hurt sometimes. i mean, i know you can't compare two different people with different styles and looks and features. but i do detest my sister sometimes for looking so good, while i like..average? yea, it does gets on my nerves when my relatives start spewing on comments. it does hurt me sometimes. but over the years, it seems like i've grown numbed to it. i mean, i hear it every cny and every other gathering can???
and besides, relatives aren't the only one. friends have come asking me why my sister look so good, hardly even resemble me. yea. subtle hints here and there. I DO GET IT LA, THANKS ALOT. *stares*
looks ain't everything i guess. as long as i'm pretty happy about the way i am now, it doesn't hurt as much. so, hey, continue giving your comments, im seriously non-suicidal about it! :) i admit my sister is way prettier than me..hahaha. but i still love her all the same.
and it helps that she knows what i love. what clothes i like. what im comfortable with. cos' i never experiment much with dressing. i don't even know what's my style. bascially i don't really care. presentable can already. over-dress is the most awkward moments in my life. luckily it happened less than 2 times. phew.
i seem to be gaining more. must stop eating when im not hungry already. can save money somemore. sighhhh.
i haven't watched charlie and the chocolate factory. i feel so sua ku. so sad. i want to watch!!!! grrr.
study study study. today not productive. macs too noisy and distracting. i kept falling aslp. too cold cannot think.
excuses? as usual.
ahhh, before i forget, the most recent picture of J.E.Z! :) hahaha, my love totally. serious! i mean it!!
i mean, they are like the fewest and rarest of the male buddies ever. the besties definitely plus guarantee chop!!! :)
i love you guys! no matter what..(: *GROUP HUG!!!*
hahahah, eh, but we never group hug before la. you know sometimes i think being good friends don't mean you have to be there EVERY SINGLE SECOND. it's like im not around with bishi every second, yet i love her company and our easy friendship everytime we get together. not many people have this connection with me..i thank god truly for all these treasures i possess now..and till forever i hope..(:
the pic is ok laaa..everyone really changed. and it's for the better! hahaha, though i really hate my fringe now..and i still look terrible in photos(and in real person). :)
but you know, sometimes what you SEE in the photo is nothing much. what you FEEL for the people in the photo is more important. :)
J.E.Z--FULL ATTENDANCE!!! :D
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
getting there..
ahhh..finally..a cool enough photo for my sis to stop pestering me. hahahahah! i think i look like i am constipated.
that's the happy trio. see how happy my popo looks? hahaha, must be meeee! :P
and again..:)
that's the birthday girl!! :)
group photo! the family portrait, minus my fourth uncle and his family who are practically non-existent. haix.
oh..these two young ladies are my younger nieces. yup. the one on the right is samantha. left is stephanie. 1 and 3/4 years younger respectively. but they are so different from me and my sis man..wierd. hahaha.
birthday of my popo. national day.
that's me and sis, starting our photo spasm. hee.
another one..she wants to take a "act-cool" picture..but i kept bursting out in laughter cos' it's damn hard to "act-cool" for me..=X
parents taking the limelight.
that's my card for my popo! the cover page la..
that's how it looks like INSIDE the card. ya, i know it looks REALLY kiddish. but i tried my best ok!!! and i really put alot love into it! YAYS!! :)
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
just because.
because i was afraid. because things happened. because life made me realise. because life made me change.
because i suddenly realised how much i love you. how much i love you both.
today is my popo's birthday. i sincerely wish her a very happy birthday, and may she stay healthy and happy always. i hate to see her burdened with troubles. i hate to see her wrinkle her forehead. i hate to see her worrying about her children, her grandchildren. i want to see her happy. i want her to be happy. and i want to be a source of her happiness.
i don't know why, but since young i've loved my popo tremendously. the love for her was so much greater than my love for my mother. and im sure the love is still as strong as before. it's just that as i grow older, i neglected her, i withdrew from her love and care and concerns, i withdrew whenever she drew closer. i withdrew as i grew older and became a young adult, while she cares over my younger cousins and nieces. i feel guilty about it.
it's not because i don't love her anymore. it's just because i give myself excuses that im entering adolescence, and i should be left alone. grandparents are not cool.
that's a total bullshit.
my grandparents are practically my life. i love them with all my heart.
they pampered me with everything they had. they showered me with endless abundance of love and care. they gave me everything i wanted. i was the apple of their eye. i really was. (not trying to sound bhb or what la)
i almost lost my grandfather to a stroke that he suffered 2 years ago. there has be reoccurences. relapses. recoveries. every incident would leave me with breathlessness and panic. panic that i may lose him altogether. panic that i may never get to see him to tell him how much i love him and appreciate him.
he is mostly senile now. once i greeted him in chinese new year visit to my grandparents' home, and he thought i was someone else. i could not blame him, but could only gently remind him im not that someone else, but his grand-daughter. i visited him in the hospital while he was receiving treatment. he was so immobile that he had difficulties eating. the sight of tubes running through him, and watching him struggle to sit up and hold the spoon in his trembling hands tore me apart. i had to fight back my tears to restrain myself from tearing there infront of everyone. it hurt me so much, to see him weak and fighting the battle of illnesses, relieving memories where he was once robust and healthy.
he has lost so much weight since.
i remember visiting him in the hospital once. he was having his meal, and yet he could not even hold the spoon in his trembling hands properly. since he was paralysed on one side, he could only use one side of his hand to lift up the spoon to feed food into his mouth. i fed him instead. he refused to eat the vegetables, and even complained constantly to me, of how horrible the hospital meals were, how tasteless they are. i had to persuade him like a little child, encouraging him to eat a little of everything, for it's for the better of his diet. the relatives around him said the same thing too before, and hence told me not to waste my breath. but i persisted.
and he listened! he actually obediently ate all the food that i fed him. nodded his head to indicate he understood what i was trying to tell him..these small gestures, though simple by nature, made me appreciate and very relieved, that actually he still remembered me. despite his senile condition, he could still register me as his grand-daughter. and that, touched me to tears.
no words can truly describe my love for them. it is difficult to pen my emotions in this state of melancholy, with the silent night surrounding me. it is the perfect night for reminiscence. it is the perfect night to think of what i've missed out on and had taken for granted in my life.
for because things that may be a part of our lives now, may not be existent in our lives the next moment. for because that is life.
the term in itself, is not for us to comprehend. rather, it is for us to start treasuring what we have in our lives now, to appreciate their value, and most importantly, to let those we value KNOW that we value them. i do not want to regret not hugging her and telling my popo how much i love her. i do not want to regret not caring about my ah gong and blame myself for the rest of my life over his illness. i want to be there for them, whenever they need support--both silent and known.
for they have watched me grow up. and i have watched them grow old.
for i love them, and i want them to know that.
because often in today's world, the mere existence of human relationships, is but that of the whift of casper presence.
because we often do not know what we've missed in our lives, only until when it's lost, and everything too late for remedy, then we look back and regret, and this remorse consumes us for as long as we remember.
and because people always say: good things do not last.
oh, how true that is.
if i cannot make it last, then perhaps i shall make it worthwhile.
because i suddenly realised how much i love you. how much i love you both.
today is my popo's birthday. i sincerely wish her a very happy birthday, and may she stay healthy and happy always. i hate to see her burdened with troubles. i hate to see her wrinkle her forehead. i hate to see her worrying about her children, her grandchildren. i want to see her happy. i want her to be happy. and i want to be a source of her happiness.
i don't know why, but since young i've loved my popo tremendously. the love for her was so much greater than my love for my mother. and im sure the love is still as strong as before. it's just that as i grow older, i neglected her, i withdrew from her love and care and concerns, i withdrew whenever she drew closer. i withdrew as i grew older and became a young adult, while she cares over my younger cousins and nieces. i feel guilty about it.
it's not because i don't love her anymore. it's just because i give myself excuses that im entering adolescence, and i should be left alone. grandparents are not cool.
that's a total bullshit.
my grandparents are practically my life. i love them with all my heart.
they pampered me with everything they had. they showered me with endless abundance of love and care. they gave me everything i wanted. i was the apple of their eye. i really was. (not trying to sound bhb or what la)
i almost lost my grandfather to a stroke that he suffered 2 years ago. there has be reoccurences. relapses. recoveries. every incident would leave me with breathlessness and panic. panic that i may lose him altogether. panic that i may never get to see him to tell him how much i love him and appreciate him.
he is mostly senile now. once i greeted him in chinese new year visit to my grandparents' home, and he thought i was someone else. i could not blame him, but could only gently remind him im not that someone else, but his grand-daughter. i visited him in the hospital while he was receiving treatment. he was so immobile that he had difficulties eating. the sight of tubes running through him, and watching him struggle to sit up and hold the spoon in his trembling hands tore me apart. i had to fight back my tears to restrain myself from tearing there infront of everyone. it hurt me so much, to see him weak and fighting the battle of illnesses, relieving memories where he was once robust and healthy.
he has lost so much weight since.
i remember visiting him in the hospital once. he was having his meal, and yet he could not even hold the spoon in his trembling hands properly. since he was paralysed on one side, he could only use one side of his hand to lift up the spoon to feed food into his mouth. i fed him instead. he refused to eat the vegetables, and even complained constantly to me, of how horrible the hospital meals were, how tasteless they are. i had to persuade him like a little child, encouraging him to eat a little of everything, for it's for the better of his diet. the relatives around him said the same thing too before, and hence told me not to waste my breath. but i persisted.
and he listened! he actually obediently ate all the food that i fed him. nodded his head to indicate he understood what i was trying to tell him..these small gestures, though simple by nature, made me appreciate and very relieved, that actually he still remembered me. despite his senile condition, he could still register me as his grand-daughter. and that, touched me to tears.
no words can truly describe my love for them. it is difficult to pen my emotions in this state of melancholy, with the silent night surrounding me. it is the perfect night for reminiscence. it is the perfect night to think of what i've missed out on and had taken for granted in my life.
for because things that may be a part of our lives now, may not be existent in our lives the next moment. for because that is life.
the term in itself, is not for us to comprehend. rather, it is for us to start treasuring what we have in our lives now, to appreciate their value, and most importantly, to let those we value KNOW that we value them. i do not want to regret not hugging her and telling my popo how much i love her. i do not want to regret not caring about my ah gong and blame myself for the rest of my life over his illness. i want to be there for them, whenever they need support--both silent and known.
for they have watched me grow up. and i have watched them grow old.
for i love them, and i want them to know that.
because often in today's world, the mere existence of human relationships, is but that of the whift of casper presence.
because we often do not know what we've missed in our lives, only until when it's lost, and everything too late for remedy, then we look back and regret, and this remorse consumes us for as long as we remember.
and because people always say: good things do not last.
oh, how true that is.
if i cannot make it last, then perhaps i shall make it worthwhile.
Monday, August 08, 2005
blahs.
hey you, do you know that i dreamt of you last night, and that i cried in my dream? i guess you don't know. and i hope you never will, because im too much of a pride-person to want to voice out my pains and sadness.
don't mistake my intentions. i meant it when i wish you all the best. i meant it when i said you deserve better, and that you really taught me to treasure what we have before it's all too late. i meant everything i said.
thank you to zihao who listened to my nonsense ramblings on the bus to clementi today. i really appreciated having a listening ear once in a while. sometimes, life is not only all about fun, fun and fun. sometimes, just slow down your pace, and lend me a shoulder to lean on, a ear to listen to me pour out my woes, give me a sincere smile to brighten up my day, and a little pat on my back to tell me not to give up regardless of anything.
:) thanks to all who did that. you all should know who you are.
anyways, today was national day celebration in school. i was VERY skeptical about the fiesty pursuit or whatever was planned for us. why? BECAUSE THERE WAS A STUPID ECONS TEST. BAH. :(
but the race thingy around the school turned out better than expected. in fact, it was quite fun! :) hahahaha. well well, this tells us never to judge anything from it's cover right? there was this point whereby the councillors asked us to stand up to sing along with them a national day song. then no one stood up, but they started waving their econs notes along to the music. HAHAHAHA. mans, that sight was something to behold man! :D but i guess the mood was really all wrong for alot of us because despite WANTING to have fun, we couldnt stop thinking of the econs test that would face us at the end of all these fun. so i couldnt really put down everything to enjoy myself.
i rmb the days back in rv where i loved to celebrate national day because the singing was fun, watching people dress up was fun, taking pictures was fun, eating food was fun! :) hahaha, being with friends was fun!
yea, but things seemed to have changed. *shrugs*
was supposed to watch charlie and the chocolate factory after our class crystal jade outing, BUT town was so crowded and we couldnt get a suitable timing slot. headed for clementi, also very late. so slacked around. DRANK BUBBLE TEA(i can't believe that, so primary school days!!) and played cards. the rest were quite kind to teach me how to play la. im really a lousy card buddy. i can't play cards for NUTS. guess i was brought up in an environment whereby my parents strongly opposed of gambling and playing card games..*shrugs* nevermind la, i don't think gambling constitutes to a great part of my life in the future anyway.
oh ya! xiao long bao at crystal jade was DAMN NICE!!! oh man. hahahah, i practically floated to heaven la. :) the la-mians were also not bad la! *grins* but i don't know why i can never seem to finish one bowl of noodles completely one. super full at the 1/2 part of the noddles. hahaha. and white aS* and haoz were still complaining how hungry they were! PIGS!!! :D
i wanna watch bewitched, the maid, charlie and the chocolate factory, and this korean/jap horror flick which i don't know the title..hahahha. damn.
sigh. anyway, if you need to know, im gonna fail my econs test. yea. i was faced with a rude shock. yays. at least it's only a test. gotta buck up!
realised so little time left. so much to do. die die. scared like hell.
i was just thinking. this year im gonna spend my natioanl day with my relatives, since it's my popo's birthday! hahaha, im not trying to say it's a sad thing or what, cos' i simply love my popo to bits, but well, there is a con of not being able to watch the fireworks. sighs. somehow, i just missed the times when i always had someone to accompany me to watch fireworks.
this year, im all alone. well, literally im not, considering i have relatives and family. BUT, i mean..ya..you know..nevermind if you don't.
im talking crap. BLAHS. low standard entry.
oh yea, may yun ma recover asap ok!! mans, hope you're feeling better already! :) bless u!
took so many pictures today! hahahaha. i can't wait to get them. we were talking about setting up a class photo blog so EVERYONE can get the pictures of class outings from there! :) i can't wait man!!! hahahah..
berd is so irritating with his camera tricks which he calls "artistic and interesting pictures". :D but at least he took alot of interesting pics. ya right. hahahaha.
my diet doesn't seem to be working!! :X
you once told me, it's not about having things forever.
because forever doesnt exist? i asked.
no. you answered gently.
because it's good enough that we've had before, and it's better than not having it at all.
//_cos' you took everything, while i was staring at the sun.
don't mistake my intentions. i meant it when i wish you all the best. i meant it when i said you deserve better, and that you really taught me to treasure what we have before it's all too late. i meant everything i said.
thank you to zihao who listened to my nonsense ramblings on the bus to clementi today. i really appreciated having a listening ear once in a while. sometimes, life is not only all about fun, fun and fun. sometimes, just slow down your pace, and lend me a shoulder to lean on, a ear to listen to me pour out my woes, give me a sincere smile to brighten up my day, and a little pat on my back to tell me not to give up regardless of anything.
:) thanks to all who did that. you all should know who you are.
anyways, today was national day celebration in school. i was VERY skeptical about the fiesty pursuit or whatever was planned for us. why? BECAUSE THERE WAS A STUPID ECONS TEST. BAH. :(
but the race thingy around the school turned out better than expected. in fact, it was quite fun! :) hahahaha. well well, this tells us never to judge anything from it's cover right? there was this point whereby the councillors asked us to stand up to sing along with them a national day song. then no one stood up, but they started waving their econs notes along to the music. HAHAHAHA. mans, that sight was something to behold man! :D but i guess the mood was really all wrong for alot of us because despite WANTING to have fun, we couldnt stop thinking of the econs test that would face us at the end of all these fun. so i couldnt really put down everything to enjoy myself.
i rmb the days back in rv where i loved to celebrate national day because the singing was fun, watching people dress up was fun, taking pictures was fun, eating food was fun! :) hahaha, being with friends was fun!
yea, but things seemed to have changed. *shrugs*
was supposed to watch charlie and the chocolate factory after our class crystal jade outing, BUT town was so crowded and we couldnt get a suitable timing slot. headed for clementi, also very late. so slacked around. DRANK BUBBLE TEA(i can't believe that, so primary school days!!) and played cards. the rest were quite kind to teach me how to play la. im really a lousy card buddy. i can't play cards for NUTS. guess i was brought up in an environment whereby my parents strongly opposed of gambling and playing card games..*shrugs* nevermind la, i don't think gambling constitutes to a great part of my life in the future anyway.
oh ya! xiao long bao at crystal jade was DAMN NICE!!! oh man. hahahah, i practically floated to heaven la. :) the la-mians were also not bad la! *grins* but i don't know why i can never seem to finish one bowl of noodles completely one. super full at the 1/2 part of the noddles. hahaha. and white aS* and haoz were still complaining how hungry they were! PIGS!!! :D
i wanna watch bewitched, the maid, charlie and the chocolate factory, and this korean/jap horror flick which i don't know the title..hahahha. damn.
sigh. anyway, if you need to know, im gonna fail my econs test. yea. i was faced with a rude shock. yays. at least it's only a test. gotta buck up!
realised so little time left. so much to do. die die. scared like hell.
i was just thinking. this year im gonna spend my natioanl day with my relatives, since it's my popo's birthday! hahaha, im not trying to say it's a sad thing or what, cos' i simply love my popo to bits, but well, there is a con of not being able to watch the fireworks. sighs. somehow, i just missed the times when i always had someone to accompany me to watch fireworks.
this year, im all alone. well, literally im not, considering i have relatives and family. BUT, i mean..ya..you know..nevermind if you don't.
im talking crap. BLAHS. low standard entry.
oh yea, may yun ma recover asap ok!! mans, hope you're feeling better already! :) bless u!
took so many pictures today! hahahaha. i can't wait to get them. we were talking about setting up a class photo blog so EVERYONE can get the pictures of class outings from there! :) i can't wait man!!! hahahah..
berd is so irritating with his camera tricks which he calls "artistic and interesting pictures". :D but at least he took alot of interesting pics. ya right. hahahaha.
my diet doesn't seem to be working!! :X
you once told me, it's not about having things forever.
because forever doesnt exist? i asked.
no. you answered gently.
because it's good enough that we've had before, and it's better than not having it at all.
//_cos' you took everything, while i was staring at the sun.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
observations.
you know sometimes i thank god for giving me eyes. eyes to see the world, be it looking at things that disgust me, saddens me, angers me, or gets me all emotional. sometimes i look at life, look at people, and i think. i think alot. i really do. and that poses a problem to me, cos' i tend to think too much.
sure, my IQ-wise may not be that high. i don't think that academically much, but i do think about things happening around the world. i don't voice them out actually. cos' people have conflicting views about the world out there, and they are given their rights to their insights. i have my rights too. so whether you like it or not, it stays.
i saw this family of 3 come into mac yesterday. i was attracted to the little boy initially. he was abit pestering. i mean, he kept pestering his parents, jumping up and down, yelling around. but he's just a kid la, cut him some slack.
so when i saw his father grab him and snap "SHUT UP" to his face, i was utterly stunned. and then anger hit me. i don't know what exactly happened at that moment, i was so tempted to go up to the father and slap him on his face. but of cos' civilised people don't do that, so i did not budge from my seat. i just sat there, and stared daggers at the father. he saw me glaring at him a couple of times, and he looked away. (i hope it was cos' of guilt) but the father did not stop there. his snapping at the poor boy got louder and louder. and he GRABBED the boy REALLY HARD. i could see how his palm enclosed the small boy's arm and shook it while he reprimanded the boy.
and that kid was just asking his father to give him a mcnugget to eat. and he got slapped on the hand when he tried to reach over to take one nugget.
actually what i want to say is that i truly do not believe in child abuse/violence to resolve problems in a child. i know that bringing up a child, or children may be frustrating and tests our everyday nerves to the limits, but i hope that all parents are aware that child/children brigns not only pain and sadness, but also joy. and most of the time, the joy brought about by them, cannot be found anywhere else in the grown-ups inthis world.
i've interacted with many children before. and i must say, they are bundles of hyperactive beings. :) they constantly bring smiles to my face, lightening my mood, surprising me with their innocence and simple intellect, making me glad that children are able to live their childhood to the fullest, for they do deserve to enjoy the purest form of love and happiness while they are young. to them, everything is simple. everything has a reason.
actions of violence--physical or verbal abuse on children will not only bring harm to their helpless bodies, but also scarring that is permanent and lives for life. children have this amazing ability, be it fortunate or not, the ability to have stark memories of their lives. such trauma on them is apprently unforgettable, unless the trauma might be so great that the child is able to psychologically brainwash himself from recalling the "bad and scary memories". but i guess im no pro in that aspect, the psychologists/psychiatrists know better.
i certainly do not approve of parents snapping at their children to "SHUT UP" or even grabbing them with such force. it is not permitable for me. i neverdid it to any child so far, and i hope i never will. what kind of child will the traumatised one grow up to become after experiencing such incidents during their childhood? i have no idea. but i read of many that continued their parents' way of doings onto THEIR own children. isn't this a vicious cycle? is this what we really want to promote in our society? violence? they say the well-being of a child depends on the teachings of their parents. i do not agree fully with this.
children grow up to become teenagers, and then young adults, and finally mature adults. we go through a long process of this life, to finally emerge as a "final product" of ourselves. we are shaped by people, things, events around us. we are shaped by ourselves too. parents' teachings may be useful in the earlier part of our years, but as we grow up, some become rebellious, some may remain obedient. the rebellious part of us screams to deny(and infact, always do the opposite) of what our parents wish us to do. we cannot blame parents if they had indeed tried their very best to tell a child what's right and wrong, and YET their child may turn out to be the very ooposite of what they tried to teach to the child. because sometimes, it's not only that of the parents fault, but we ourselves, are accountable to what and who we become.
as much as we hate to admit it, it's true to a large extent.
that's of course my view.
i've rambled on so far, not sure of what my main topic of this part of the entry is, but what im trying to say here, is that i do not believe in child violence, and neither do i think that we should always blame the parents for the wrong-doings of any child. i do hope in the future, if i were to have children, i will not let any incidents of child abuse happen on him/her.
the cane that my father used when i was young, has terrorised me till this day. i shiver whenever i look at a cane. and it's this part of me that is terrified, of bringing this fear to children, that i so much want to protect them.
---------------------------
on a lighter note, i was listening to p10. i am still listening to it. but i was really entertained by the "home" program hosted by daniel ong. firstly, it boosts local talents in the music industry, and even plays the tapes and recordings sent by local home singers, people like you and me, who are aspiring to become singers, or simply people who love to sing and have a band formed by themselves.
i heard many good songs. i heard PUG JELLY. and i LOVE pug jelly. so i was quite hyperventilating when their songs were played. :P
anyway, i heard one other song by supernova(or something like that) called chole. that song was good. very radio-friendly. i wonder if i can download from the internet.
anyways, SUPPORT LOCAL TALENT!
and there's another category of songs i love: oldies. yeah yeah, not so much of chinese oldies, but more of english ones. they are really good to listen to. not your usual hard rock or pop songs. just soothing oldies with good velvety voices. :)
i think there may be too much content in this entry for today, guess i shall end here. seems to be thinking alot recently. hahaha, but doubt if anyone will bother to read my rubbish musings anyway. :) just wanted to record it all..STM. :D
till then, PUG JELLY REALLY ROCKS! :) im looking forward to their new album. thank god they've not disbanded.
sure, my IQ-wise may not be that high. i don't think that academically much, but i do think about things happening around the world. i don't voice them out actually. cos' people have conflicting views about the world out there, and they are given their rights to their insights. i have my rights too. so whether you like it or not, it stays.
i saw this family of 3 come into mac yesterday. i was attracted to the little boy initially. he was abit pestering. i mean, he kept pestering his parents, jumping up and down, yelling around. but he's just a kid la, cut him some slack.
so when i saw his father grab him and snap "SHUT UP" to his face, i was utterly stunned. and then anger hit me. i don't know what exactly happened at that moment, i was so tempted to go up to the father and slap him on his face. but of cos' civilised people don't do that, so i did not budge from my seat. i just sat there, and stared daggers at the father. he saw me glaring at him a couple of times, and he looked away. (i hope it was cos' of guilt) but the father did not stop there. his snapping at the poor boy got louder and louder. and he GRABBED the boy REALLY HARD. i could see how his palm enclosed the small boy's arm and shook it while he reprimanded the boy.
and that kid was just asking his father to give him a mcnugget to eat. and he got slapped on the hand when he tried to reach over to take one nugget.
actually what i want to say is that i truly do not believe in child abuse/violence to resolve problems in a child. i know that bringing up a child, or children may be frustrating and tests our everyday nerves to the limits, but i hope that all parents are aware that child/children brigns not only pain and sadness, but also joy. and most of the time, the joy brought about by them, cannot be found anywhere else in the grown-ups inthis world.
i've interacted with many children before. and i must say, they are bundles of hyperactive beings. :) they constantly bring smiles to my face, lightening my mood, surprising me with their innocence and simple intellect, making me glad that children are able to live their childhood to the fullest, for they do deserve to enjoy the purest form of love and happiness while they are young. to them, everything is simple. everything has a reason.
actions of violence--physical or verbal abuse on children will not only bring harm to their helpless bodies, but also scarring that is permanent and lives for life. children have this amazing ability, be it fortunate or not, the ability to have stark memories of their lives. such trauma on them is apprently unforgettable, unless the trauma might be so great that the child is able to psychologically brainwash himself from recalling the "bad and scary memories". but i guess im no pro in that aspect, the psychologists/psychiatrists know better.
i certainly do not approve of parents snapping at their children to "SHUT UP" or even grabbing them with such force. it is not permitable for me. i neverdid it to any child so far, and i hope i never will. what kind of child will the traumatised one grow up to become after experiencing such incidents during their childhood? i have no idea. but i read of many that continued their parents' way of doings onto THEIR own children. isn't this a vicious cycle? is this what we really want to promote in our society? violence? they say the well-being of a child depends on the teachings of their parents. i do not agree fully with this.
children grow up to become teenagers, and then young adults, and finally mature adults. we go through a long process of this life, to finally emerge as a "final product" of ourselves. we are shaped by people, things, events around us. we are shaped by ourselves too. parents' teachings may be useful in the earlier part of our years, but as we grow up, some become rebellious, some may remain obedient. the rebellious part of us screams to deny(and infact, always do the opposite) of what our parents wish us to do. we cannot blame parents if they had indeed tried their very best to tell a child what's right and wrong, and YET their child may turn out to be the very ooposite of what they tried to teach to the child. because sometimes, it's not only that of the parents fault, but we ourselves, are accountable to what and who we become.
as much as we hate to admit it, it's true to a large extent.
that's of course my view.
i've rambled on so far, not sure of what my main topic of this part of the entry is, but what im trying to say here, is that i do not believe in child violence, and neither do i think that we should always blame the parents for the wrong-doings of any child. i do hope in the future, if i were to have children, i will not let any incidents of child abuse happen on him/her.
the cane that my father used when i was young, has terrorised me till this day. i shiver whenever i look at a cane. and it's this part of me that is terrified, of bringing this fear to children, that i so much want to protect them.
---------------------------
on a lighter note, i was listening to p10. i am still listening to it. but i was really entertained by the "home" program hosted by daniel ong. firstly, it boosts local talents in the music industry, and even plays the tapes and recordings sent by local home singers, people like you and me, who are aspiring to become singers, or simply people who love to sing and have a band formed by themselves.
i heard many good songs. i heard PUG JELLY. and i LOVE pug jelly. so i was quite hyperventilating when their songs were played. :P
anyway, i heard one other song by supernova(or something like that) called chole. that song was good. very radio-friendly. i wonder if i can download from the internet.
anyways, SUPPORT LOCAL TALENT!
and there's another category of songs i love: oldies. yeah yeah, not so much of chinese oldies, but more of english ones. they are really good to listen to. not your usual hard rock or pop songs. just soothing oldies with good velvety voices. :)
i think there may be too much content in this entry for today, guess i shall end here. seems to be thinking alot recently. hahaha, but doubt if anyone will bother to read my rubbish musings anyway. :) just wanted to record it all..STM. :D
till then, PUG JELLY REALLY ROCKS! :) im looking forward to their new album. thank god they've not disbanded.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
meet E.T
hahaha. well, before i forget, sista's little finger is freaking cute ok! reminded me of E.T!!! :D
im gonna snap a picture of it soon mans!
but i hope it recovers soon la! :)
have you ever coughed until u vomitted and teared and couldnt breathe?
well, i experienced that on the bus to school.
it was like:
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**WHEEZE**cough*
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**GASP**cough**cough*
*cough**cough**cough**GASP**cough**cough**cough**cough*
-tearing violently-
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**WHEEZE**cough*
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough*
-people staring-
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**GASP FOR AIR**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough*
-vomit rises up my throat-
-i swallowed it back-
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough*
[duration: about one minute plus non-stop]
HEY I KNOW ITS DISGUSTING! but i was on the bus and i had no where to puke ok! *shrugs*
i hate those coughing fits. i have had a few before this one already. but this is the first time the vomit actually came up, and i could taste my breakfast.
damn yucky.
im gonna snap a picture of it soon mans!
but i hope it recovers soon la! :)
have you ever coughed until u vomitted and teared and couldnt breathe?
well, i experienced that on the bus to school.
it was like:
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**WHEEZE**cough*
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**GASP**cough**cough*
*cough**cough**cough**GASP**cough**cough**cough**cough*
-tearing violently-
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**WHEEZE**cough*
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough*
-people staring-
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**GASP FOR AIR**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough*
-vomit rises up my throat-
-i swallowed it back-
*cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough**cough*
[duration: about one minute plus non-stop]
HEY I KNOW ITS DISGUSTING! but i was on the bus and i had no where to puke ok! *shrugs*
i hate those coughing fits. i have had a few before this one already. but this is the first time the vomit actually came up, and i could taste my breakfast.
damn yucky.
little bits of mac studying.
recently has been going to mac near my house to study. i like the environment because there is this really nice mac lady at the counter with an ever cheerful smile to greet me. she's really really undeniably nice until i have nothing to say. hahahaha. :) i might just vote her for employee of the year if there is a feedback form. :)
ate so many double cheese burger these few days consecutively. i think i might just forgo it tomorrow if i were to head for macs again. gonna get very sick of it. *grimaces*
and i heard the national song on the mac tv play so many times i can practically chant it out in my head. BLEH. seriously. over-play and over-publicising is lousy advertisement ok. not good for people who sits at mac(UNDER THE TV SOMEMORE) for almost half a day. BAH. i would have went mad. but thank god for my shuffle. LIFE IS RANDOM! :) but actually i also getting REALLY sick of the songs in my shuffle already. shuffle here shuffle there but i seem to have heard all the songs a thousand times. :(
but neverminds. im gonna grant mac a chance, cos' ruien is soooo chio! hahahah. :D she's really cute la. undeniable ok! and i witnessed some really cute moments too. im not trying to sound patriotic or what, but it really made me smile when i saw this puny primary school kid look up at the tv with excitement, and sang loudly to the lyrics. :) well, national education has certainly served its purpose well! i do love singapore, but sometimes there are things in this country that i simply do not favour as much. one very good example is education. (ok, i don't wanna get sued or whatever, so i'll stop the discussion here.)
the place is indeed very distracting to say the least. i was distracted from the countless ah bengs and ah lians that roamed the macs. distracted from the screaming kids. from the irritating "mina-s" that shrieked and cursed constantly. (YES I CAN STILL HEAR THEM DESPITE MY SHUFFLE--that's how bad it was ok!) the parents that came with their kids and sat down together with the other parents who came with their kids to talk about stuff like what they bought in the market, and most commonly, their kids' results. *sigh*
well, there were many strange individuals too. undoubtedly strange. but yet i cannot deny that perhaps some may think i am just as strange as i think they are. well, take this guy who sat infront of me in macs. he was using his laptop and browsing the internet i think. and yea, i kinda *accidentally* saw his stuff. HEY IM NOT PEEPING! but it was like screaming out in my face la! :P hahahha, he was browsing this webbie with women parading in swimsuits. erm..ya. -no comments-
/irrelevant.
my mum let me try two skirts a minute ago. hahahaha. damn funny ok. stripped one. then the material is gd la, BUT it looked like boxers. =X even jie agrees. HAHAHAHA. but eh, branded leh. :X hahahaha. nvm la, im not that brand conscious anyway, so i rejected the skirt. :)
/back to topic.
hmmm, yea, then i saw this super duper cute boy dressed in full army uniform. i mean he's like really young, at most K1 age. he entered the mac with his father(who also looked rather gd himself). then he started screaming:
"DADDY I WANT THISSSS!!!"
"shhh, boy!"
"DADDY I WANT THIS PINK EGG!!! HAPPY MEAL!!!" *bangs his little palms on the showcase*
"boy! quiet...!" *signs a warning to the boy while gently pinching his cheek*
darn. they looked really cute together. reminded me of my childhood. used to be so pampered last time. sigh. =( i wanna be a little kid again.
so anyhow, not wanting to sound desperate or anything, but i kinda find malay guys attractive. they have really good features and the best eyes! :) hahaha, nice! but no worries, i don't know any malay guys really well so i don't have any plans to pounce on them. neither will i(if i DO know them). im not that sick ok!
hmmm, im really following a strict diet. not NOT eating la, just eating less, and moderately. hopefully i can shed a few kgs in 2 months time. :) i'll feel so much better about myself. so please don't worry, im STILL eating. just less. :)
today's civics was a ppt by differentiated gp grp about blogging. seriously, sometimes i do not understand all that hoo-ha about blogging. c'mon, im sure everyone blogs. almost everyone. be it online or offline(in written diaries). people who know me really well would know that i have short term memory(STM), which means i have to blog to remind me of stuff. i have had many "diaries" before this one. both written ones and online ones. but most of the time, i stopped entering my lif ein them halfway, and they got archived. i still have my opendiary though. :) it's nice to read back about my life once in a while. im actually quite impressed at my writings a few years back. it was sincere, straight to the point, and really emotional. i guess it was a tough year back then. but i seemed to be so much happier back then. more happy entries than sad ones. *shrugs* well, people grow up.
i grow sad.
anyway, i died in mac doing econs. it was really intensive econs. i was trying to understand the notes, the policies, and struggling with the tys Qs. i REALLY almost died(white as* i hope u understand). it's like getting more and more difficult. arghhhs. and i CANNOT fail or do badly for econs. i really wanna excel in it la. arghhhs. stressed.
not that i don't wanna excel in other subs la. sigh. but i have alot interest in econs. yea. im gonna jiayou for other subs also la. :)
im craving for hot chocolate.
darn my cough, flu, blocked nose, sore throat and slight fever.
everyone seems to be falling sick. bad, bad, bad.
im looking forward to ponning lessons and school totally. i wish we'd get our study break now. sigh.
i think im supposed to do alot of geog hwk. but im really lazy. so you know what? heck. im not doing. he's gonna go thru the answers anyway. sigh.
long long entry. but yea, just felt like saying alot things la. typing is so much faster than writing. hahahah. :) this is why online blogs are gd. but when things are more private, of cos' a written one wld be gd. :) but i don't have any written diaries now la. hmmmm.
random thoughts.
on the bus to school, was thinking, sometimes, it's gd that i don't have high-flying parents who are great in everything such as careers and education. cos' then, i don't have to live up to expectations--of them, myeslf, and others.
i won't mention what caused me to think so, but yea, was watching tv mobile cna and it prompted me to think la.
moral of story though, is that i still have to live up to my own expectations, and others'. cos' i just have to. *shrugs*
music selection currently: jazz.
anyone has nice jazz-y songs? please send me! thanks! :)
ate so many double cheese burger these few days consecutively. i think i might just forgo it tomorrow if i were to head for macs again. gonna get very sick of it. *grimaces*
and i heard the national song on the mac tv play so many times i can practically chant it out in my head. BLEH. seriously. over-play and over-publicising is lousy advertisement ok. not good for people who sits at mac(UNDER THE TV SOMEMORE) for almost half a day. BAH. i would have went mad. but thank god for my shuffle. LIFE IS RANDOM! :) but actually i also getting REALLY sick of the songs in my shuffle already. shuffle here shuffle there but i seem to have heard all the songs a thousand times. :(
but neverminds. im gonna grant mac a chance, cos' ruien is soooo chio! hahahah. :D she's really cute la. undeniable ok! and i witnessed some really cute moments too. im not trying to sound patriotic or what, but it really made me smile when i saw this puny primary school kid look up at the tv with excitement, and sang loudly to the lyrics. :) well, national education has certainly served its purpose well! i do love singapore, but sometimes there are things in this country that i simply do not favour as much. one very good example is education. (ok, i don't wanna get sued or whatever, so i'll stop the discussion here.)
the place is indeed very distracting to say the least. i was distracted from the countless ah bengs and ah lians that roamed the macs. distracted from the screaming kids. from the irritating "mina-s" that shrieked and cursed constantly. (YES I CAN STILL HEAR THEM DESPITE MY SHUFFLE--that's how bad it was ok!) the parents that came with their kids and sat down together with the other parents who came with their kids to talk about stuff like what they bought in the market, and most commonly, their kids' results. *sigh*
well, there were many strange individuals too. undoubtedly strange. but yet i cannot deny that perhaps some may think i am just as strange as i think they are. well, take this guy who sat infront of me in macs. he was using his laptop and browsing the internet i think. and yea, i kinda *accidentally* saw his stuff. HEY IM NOT PEEPING! but it was like screaming out in my face la! :P hahahha, he was browsing this webbie with women parading in swimsuits. erm..ya. -no comments-
/irrelevant.
my mum let me try two skirts a minute ago. hahahaha. damn funny ok. stripped one. then the material is gd la, BUT it looked like boxers. =X even jie agrees. HAHAHAHA. but eh, branded leh. :X hahahaha. nvm la, im not that brand conscious anyway, so i rejected the skirt. :)
/back to topic.
hmmm, yea, then i saw this super duper cute boy dressed in full army uniform. i mean he's like really young, at most K1 age. he entered the mac with his father(who also looked rather gd himself). then he started screaming:
"DADDY I WANT THISSSS!!!"
"shhh, boy!"
"DADDY I WANT THIS PINK EGG!!! HAPPY MEAL!!!" *bangs his little palms on the showcase*
"boy! quiet...!" *signs a warning to the boy while gently pinching his cheek*
darn. they looked really cute together. reminded me of my childhood. used to be so pampered last time. sigh. =( i wanna be a little kid again.
so anyhow, not wanting to sound desperate or anything, but i kinda find malay guys attractive. they have really good features and the best eyes! :) hahaha, nice! but no worries, i don't know any malay guys really well so i don't have any plans to pounce on them. neither will i(if i DO know them). im not that sick ok!
hmmm, im really following a strict diet. not NOT eating la, just eating less, and moderately. hopefully i can shed a few kgs in 2 months time. :) i'll feel so much better about myself. so please don't worry, im STILL eating. just less. :)
today's civics was a ppt by differentiated gp grp about blogging. seriously, sometimes i do not understand all that hoo-ha about blogging. c'mon, im sure everyone blogs. almost everyone. be it online or offline(in written diaries). people who know me really well would know that i have short term memory(STM), which means i have to blog to remind me of stuff. i have had many "diaries" before this one. both written ones and online ones. but most of the time, i stopped entering my lif ein them halfway, and they got archived. i still have my opendiary though. :) it's nice to read back about my life once in a while. im actually quite impressed at my writings a few years back. it was sincere, straight to the point, and really emotional. i guess it was a tough year back then. but i seemed to be so much happier back then. more happy entries than sad ones. *shrugs* well, people grow up.
i grow sad.
anyway, i died in mac doing econs. it was really intensive econs. i was trying to understand the notes, the policies, and struggling with the tys Qs. i REALLY almost died(white as* i hope u understand). it's like getting more and more difficult. arghhhs. and i CANNOT fail or do badly for econs. i really wanna excel in it la. arghhhs. stressed.
not that i don't wanna excel in other subs la. sigh. but i have alot interest in econs. yea. im gonna jiayou for other subs also la. :)
im craving for hot chocolate.
darn my cough, flu, blocked nose, sore throat and slight fever.
everyone seems to be falling sick. bad, bad, bad.
im looking forward to ponning lessons and school totally. i wish we'd get our study break now. sigh.
i think im supposed to do alot of geog hwk. but im really lazy. so you know what? heck. im not doing. he's gonna go thru the answers anyway. sigh.
long long entry. but yea, just felt like saying alot things la. typing is so much faster than writing. hahahah. :) this is why online blogs are gd. but when things are more private, of cos' a written one wld be gd. :) but i don't have any written diaries now la. hmmmm.
random thoughts.
on the bus to school, was thinking, sometimes, it's gd that i don't have high-flying parents who are great in everything such as careers and education. cos' then, i don't have to live up to expectations--of them, myeslf, and others.
i won't mention what caused me to think so, but yea, was watching tv mobile cna and it prompted me to think la.
moral of story though, is that i still have to live up to my own expectations, and others'. cos' i just have to. *shrugs*
music selection currently: jazz.
anyone has nice jazz-y songs? please send me! thanks! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
